Experiencing blindness as a child stripped me of my self-assurance. Cosmetics restored it for me.
Today, makeup is a common part of our daily lives, shaping how we see ourselves and how others perceive us. As a child, I was fascinated by the flawless skin, glossy lips, and perfectly applied eyeliner of models in magazines. I yearned to learn their secrets, viewing my older sister as a sort of sorceress with her makeup brushes serving as her wands. I loved spending time in her room, asking her to paint my nails bright pink or apply my eyeshadow. Her precision was admirable, something I struggled to replicate due to my worsening eyesight.
At the age of two, I was diagnosed with juvenile idiopathic arthritis (JIA), a condition where the immune system attacks healthy cells and tissues, causing inflammation throughout the body. JIA affects about 1 in 1,000 children under 16 in the UK, primarily affecting joints but sometimes leading to complications in the eyes and other organs.
In my case, JIA affected my eyes, leading to the development of chronic uveitis - persistent eye inflammation, eventually resulting in vision loss. Although surgery and treatment helped manage the inflammation, the damage was irreversible and triggered glaucoma, which increases pressure inside the eye and permanently damages the nerve connecting our brain to our eyes, impacting our ability to see.
As my vision deteriorated, my relationship with makeup and self-acceptance began to falter. I would often show up to school with poorly blended foundation or uneven lip liner. I longed for control over my life, and I was too stubborn to accept help with my beauty routine, despite my vision loss. It was embarrassing, as if I wasn't functioning as a 'real woman.' I felt a mix of frustration and fear, knowing that my ability to express myself through makeup was slipping away before I had a chance to fully explore it.
To accept my changing reality, I had to learn to accept myself. I had to accept that I wouldn't view the world the same way as my peers, and that was okay. Once I began to accept this, I formed a new relationship with my beauty routine and eventually discovered what worked for me.
At 22, I am now registered blind. Blindness isn't total darkness but exists on a spectrum, with some people seeing only colors and light, while others have parts of their vision obscured or poor peripheral vision. Most of my vision is gone in my left eye, and I have no peripheral vision in my right, which has worsened over the years. My condition is currently stable but could change at any moment.
Despite the challenges I've faced, I haven't allowed my disability to hinder my determination and ambition. I've fundraised for charities, graduated from university, and pursued a career as a writer to show that no matter what life throws at us, we each have the power to decide who we want to be.
Now, I enjoy my beauty rituals as much as anyone else. I have learned the structure and shape of my face, from the width of my cheekbones to the length of my brows. I avoid blending tools, opting for my fingers or brushes instead. I have fully embraced my sense of touch, to the point where I can apply makeup with my eyes closed. My sighted friends even seek my advice.
Here are some things that have worked for me:
Opt for a sheer base
I have clear, texture-free skin, so I avoid products that provide a lot of coverage. In the past, I bought numerous 'full coverage' products that only highlighted my mistakes. Now, I choose products with sheer or buildable coverage, such as Charlotte Tilbury’s Hollywood Flawless Filter and Dior’s Forever Skin Perfect stick.
Love smoky eyes
I used to avoid eye makeup due to my lack of precision, but experimenting with a smoky eye gave me the freedom to explore different looks without the pressure of achieving a perfect cut crease or winged liner. I enjoy the subtle enhancement a softly smudged smoky eye provides to my eyes without overwhelming them. Since I have two differently colored eyes - one green and one blue - using a plum kohl liner and gently smudging it along my lash line brings out the color in both.
Choose cream products over powder
I've switched to cream-based blushes, highlighters, and bronzers because they offer a better sense of where and how much product I'm applying. Powders often resulted in overdoing it because I couldn't feel or see how much I was applying. Now, I achieve a natural look by feeling the product on my face and easily blending out any excess.
Embrace your face
My relationship with makeup has taught me many valuable lessons, but the most important is to embrace your face. Comparing yourself to perfect faces and rigid beauty standards can be easy, but it's important to remember that you are unique and no one can replicate your essence.
Despite no longer residing under the same roof, my sis and I continue to connect over our mutual passion for cosmetics. I've internalized the landscapes of her mug and occasionally assist in her makeup application. We keep each other updated on the hottest launches and I seek her advice on novel makeovers I'm experimenting with. The dynamic has shifted, though, as I've learned to cope better with imperfections. We're all flawed beings, and aesthetics often unearth appeal in our presumed defects. So, embrace your unique traits – they define your distinct essence.
Despite my vision loss, I continue to find joy in exploring different makeup styles and techniques. The tactile nature of applying makeup has become even more important to me, allowing me to appreciate the beauty and texture of various products.
Finding the right makeup style has been a journey of self-discovery, helping me embrace my changing appearance and learn to see my own beauty beyond physical appearance.
