Jagoda Marinić - Spiny angel
Kill them with kindness was one of the phrases I brought back with me from my year in the USA. Don't grumble when everyone is annoying, don't grumble back, but change your voice to the gentlest tone. Put the happiness of others in front of people in a bad mood - so that they perish from their own bad mood! Well, I should have saved myself that last sentence. It wasn't kind, it was just as aggressive as everyday life in Germany is. Everyone here acts as if the other person was only born to bother them.
Kindness doesn't hurt
In German cities, the gruffness is often so pronounced that I often turn into a porcupine myself. Sometimes I would even like to be a skunk for a few seconds so that none of these bad-tempered people come any closer. I want to speak with the tongues of angels, especially when I come from other European cities where I have experienced that no one dies of kindness. Who taught the Germans that the friendly person is the stupid one? Some idiots even equate friendliness with incompetence, which is why few things are as tough as a German meeting where everyone wants to show that they are too busy to be friendly anymore. Instead of thinking: it's the millisecond of humanity that could open the door for us tomorrow, even professionally.
The word kindness is difficult to translate into German. Kindness wants to brighten the other person's day, to make them feel that we see each other as people in need in this shitty world.
Together instead of confrontation
Perhaps I can dream of angel tongues for a moment in my Christmas column without ending up in the hit parade. I don't want to pontificate here either, which I could of course do in super-German. I would like to ask with the tongues of angels: is it so difficult to stop for a moment and ask whether the other person doesn't have too much on their plate at the moment? Stress doesn't get less when you add it up. Could we instead create a moment together that doesn't just pass on the pressure, that doesn't just satisfy our hunger for recognition of our own achievements? A moment of tender affection?
This harsh tone that we often strike, in politics and in everyday life! Everyone's elbows are out, even against children and the poorest. How much bad temper does a country have to put up with? When I recently wanted to catch the S-Bahn at a train station in a medium-sized city, the platform was so crowded - thanks to the Deutschlandticket and poor infrastructure - that people were almost piling on top of each other on the escalator. Everyone was shouting at each other: "Move aside!" But where to? Next to me was a young mom with a baby in a sling, and no one was paying attention to her. Hallelujah, I thought, nobody hears kindness here anyway, so I shouted people out of the way too. This selfishness, as if everything was against each other! But everything is a togetherness, no matter how wolfishly solitary we think we are.
Cariño - "dear" or "tender" - is what Spaniards often say to me, even strangers, for example because I look at them sweetly while I order a coffee. Maybe I look at them like that because I am eagerly anticipating their kindness. Maybe they speak to me so tenderly because I do the same. I wonder what that would be like. To expect more beauty from others every day - and to work your butt off to give what you want to get. Especially in these gray winters.
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In the spirit of Jagoda Marinić's advice to 'kill them with kindness', I decided to extend this friendliness during the Christmas season. Even if it's challenging in the crowded German cities, I endeavor to greet others with kindness and understanding, like how the Spaniards show 'carino' to strangers.
Describing Jagoda Marinić as a 'spiny angel', I can't help but compare her wisdom with the often-gruff German attitude towards friendliness. I wonder if this Christmas could be a time for a change, emulating Marinić's friendliness and spreading it to each other, as we should treat one another as people in need in this world.
Source: www.stern.de
