Psychotherapist analyzes - Six typical behaviors to excuse toxic relationships
The foundation for an increased tolerance of toxic behavior is usually laid in childhood. If a person has already experienced unhealthy relationship patterns at an early age, it is usually also difficult for them as an adult to recognize the boundaries between healthy and unhealthy behaviour in the other person. People quickly slip into toxic relationships, shift their own principles and begin to justify or even excuse their partner's harmful behavior.
In her work, psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis has identified six typical patterns of behavior in which victims of toxic behavior often justify it to others. Especially in relationships and when deep feelings are involved, people tend to be more forgiving and forgiving. However, depending on the severity and frequency, pushing your own boundaries can have psychological consequences for yourself. This is because extremely toxic partners, such as narcissists, know no boundaries and will take from the other person until there is hardly anything left, but hardly ever give.
Victims of toxic relationships often exhibit these six behaviors
Intellectualizing"He or she has had a bad day", "He or she is behaving like this because something bad happened as a child", "It's just a phase": phrases like these empathize with the toxic partner's behaviour. Through an exaggerated form of compassion and a kind of hobby psychology, the victimized partner justifies why he or she was treated in an unhealthy way and finds justification in such arguments.
Desensitizing"It wasn't that bad", "Oh, you feel it's worse than it is", "Well, at least he's not doing this or that, which would be worse", people who tend to respond in this way to an unhealthy situation in a partnership are desensitizing the situation. Victims of domestic violence often use such formulations.
DenialIfthere are witnesses to a toxic situation within the relationship and someone from outside refers to it, victims often deny and falsify the situation. "It wasn't like that", "He or she wasn't angry at all, just a little annoyed" or "You misperceived it" are phrases that are used when the other person doesn't want to deal with the situation or has problems seeing the truth.
Acceptance and resignationIt is notuncommon for a partner in a toxic relationship to give in to the unhealthy patterns and accept or resign themselves to them. Sometimes emotional abuse is tolerated and accepted as "the task" or "the role within the relationship".
Anticipatory obedienceOneform of behavior in a toxic relationship that is intended to conceal the misery can be anticipatory obedience. Quickly cleaning the house once more before he or she comes home and treats you badly again. Or the constant search for things that might please the other person, just to reduce the risk of being treated badly again.
Blame shiftingSomevictims in a toxic relationship blame themselves. "If only I hadn't left my shoes in the hallway again, he or she wouldn't have gotten angry," to name just one example. Victims of emotional and physical violence tend to blame themselves for everything and feel that they are "not good enough" for the relationship.
Psychotherapist Gillis gives advice in the magazine "Psychology Today" on the tricks you can use to analyze your own behavior.
- Ask yourself: "What would I say to a friend if they were experiencing the same behavior?"
- Write reminders to yourself and save them in your cell phone, for example: "Stop apologizing. It wasn't your fault."
- Remember the situation in detail, analyze it, and realize that you were not the trigger
Psychology Today, Interview Stern
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In toxic relationships, individuals often intellectualize their partner's harmful behavior, attributing it to external factors like a bad day or past traumas. Thisjustification allows them to empathize with their toxic partner and overlook the unhealthy aspects of the relationship.
Furthermore, victims of toxic relationships may display a behavior known as desensitization by minimizing the severity of their partner's actions and comparing it to hypothetical scenarios that could be worse. This tactic helps them to avoid confronting the issue directly and normalizes the toxic behavior in their partnership.
Source: www.stern.de
