Study - Single: Those who have less self-esteem put more effort into dating
It's often nicer to watch a movie together in the evening as a couple rather than alone? Does cooking for two people not bring joy as it does for one? Being single is not always a pleasure, and many people long for a partner in life. But how comes some people reject formal dating and put in real effort to win over a new acquaintance, while others just give someone a coffee and send a message a day?
Researchers Menelaos Apostolou, Burcu Tekeş, and Antonios Kagialis investigated the cause of these differences in a 2024 study. They questioned 990 Greek and Turkish-descended people about how their fear influences their dating efforts. The study included 568 women with an average age of 33.4 years, 412 men with an average age of 34.8 years, six people of diverse gender, and four people without gender identification. Of the participants, 25.9% reported being in a relationship, 20.1% were unwillingly single, 19.3% were married, 18.7% were in a relationship, 12.0% were voluntarily single, and 4.0% classified their relationship status as "other".
Does the fear of single life have anything to do with dating effort? The researchers asked
Then, the researchers asked the participants about the effort they had put into finding long-term relationships. Using a scale of 1 to 5, they were asked to rate the following statements for themselves:
- I will probably feel that something is wrong with me if I'm alone at the end of my life.
- The thought of being single forever scares me.
- Loneliness scares me.
- It scares me not to have an intimate partner by my side.
- I'm scared of being single.
The study confirmed the researchers' hypothesis based on the findings. Those who have greater fear of being single invest more effort in the dating process.
People who fear loneliness seem to invest more efforts, activities, and contact initiation into dating. Conversely, the researchers could also confirm that someone who is voluntarily single and has no fears of loneliness, while not necessarily wanting to remain alone, does not put in intensive efforts in the process of getting to know someone. No significant differences could be observed between genders.
Another insight of the researchers was derived from the participants' self-esteem. By re-evaluating them on a scale with statements like "I have the feeling that I don't have much to be proud of," they assessed the self-esteem of the interviewees. It turned out that there is a direct relationship between the factors: people with higher self-esteem are more confident in finding and keeping a partner, which reduces their fear of being alone, and they invest less time and effort into dating.
In conclusion, someone who invests more time and effort in the dating process and the getting-to-know-you stage as a single person is not necessarily more interested in the other person. It could also be that the other person simply has a fear of being alone and does not have high self-esteem.
- Some single individuals may overexert themselves in dating efforts due to a fear of being alone, as suggested by the study conducted by Menelaos Apostolou, Burcu Tekeş, and Antonios Kagialis.
- Despite not wanting to be single forever, those with high self-esteem tend to invest less time and effort into dating, as they have confidence in finding and keeping a partner.
- Conversely, individuals who fear loneliness often put in more efforts, activities, and initiate contact more frequently in the dating process.
- Fear of single life appears to influence the level of effort put into dating, as individuals who are more afraid are likely to invest more time and resources in finding a partner.
