Psychological study - Partner had narcissistic parents - that's why a relationship is particularly complex
Those who had to endure unhealthy behaviours and relationship patterns as a child often internalize them. As an adult, childhood can be damaging again, because people who had narcissistic parents in particular practice learned patterns in their later relationships.
The evolutionary behavior scientist Minna Lyons from Liverpool John Moores University in the UK and her team evaluated posts on the Reddit platform about romantic relationships or dating in combination with the effects of narcissistic parents.
The analysis filtered out three main psychological problems caused by narcissistic parents:
Trust issuesAnarcissist usually cannot be trusted, uses word choice to their advantage, usually lies a lot and does not follow through on promises and commitments. This is a pattern that triggers a severe trust problem in a relationship, whether in a partnership or as a parent-child relationship. If you had to experience such a pattern in childhood, children of narcissists often also struggle with trust issues as adults. The excessive mistrust leads to statements such as: "If I see any similarities between my father and my friend, I get scared. If my boyfriend says something similar to my father, I think it's a warning sign. I feel like I'm overinterpreting things that aren't necessarily warning signs."
Unhealthy attachment styleTheattachment anxiety that can arise from a narcissistic parent is often about over-controlling and very critical parents. Nothing they did in childhood was good enough. According to the forum, this often resulted in people feeling unloved and unaccepted. Love and affection were tied to conditions or performance.
There are no boundariesAnarcissist does not like to be given boundaries. A person with this personality disorder often reacts very extremely to other people's boundaries. Example: You are asked to do something but refuse because you don't want to do it. The narcissist will almost certainly then punish you for the "impertinence" of saying no. Either in the form of ignorance and withdrawal of love or through a lot of arguments and anger. In this way, the narcissist tries to soften the other person up and comply with their wishes, or rather their demands. Posts on Reddit read: "My childhood relationship with a narcissistic mother means that I don't understand how important it is for people to respect my boundaries" or another person writes: "I always thought I had to put other people first. In previous serious relationships, people constantly disrespected my boundaries and I allowed it. I prioritized their feelings, desires and interests over mine. I felt responsible for their happiness. It was exhausting."
Children of narcissistic parents are used to being treated badly and therefore quickly slip into familiar patterns even as adults. When dating or in a relationship, they often allow themselves to be trampled on or even taken advantage of for far too long. Due to their unhealthy childhood, they lack a kind of benchmark for what it is like to have a healthy interpersonal relationship. Love and pain are connected for people with a narcissistic parent.
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The findings from the study on Reddit suggest that individuals with narcissistic parents often bring their trust issues into their relationships, making it difficult to form a deep connection with a partner or even their children. Moreover, the unhealthy attachment style developed from overcontrolling and critical parents can lead to issues in setting boundaries, resulting in a lack of respect for one's own needs and desires. Additionally, children of narcissistic parents may carry these toxic behavioral patterns into their own dating and relationships, often allowing themselves to be treated poorly and failing to establish healthy loving relationships due to their unhealthy childhood experiences.
Source: www.stern.de
