How to make New Year's resolutions without pressure

The turn of the year is considered a good time to finally do more sport or drink less. But many plans don't even survive January. Psychologist and stress coach Jacob Drachenberg shares four tips that can help you succeed - even with little self-discipline.

For many, the Christmas season is not only a time of contemplation, but above all of excess. After sumptuous feasts and too much alcohol, many are looking for a change. New Year's Eve comes at just the right time. "New year, new me" is the motto. According to a survey by Statista, half of Germans want to save more money in the coming year. Almost as often, the resolutions are to do more sport and eat more healthily. And the perennial favorites also make it onto the list for 2024: more time with the family and less stress at work. But anyone who has ever resolved to do this knows how quickly resolutions are abandoned.

"That would ultimately mean failing. Failure is shameful. To avoid this, many people don't make any resolutions at all," explains Jacob Drachenberg, psychologist and stress coach. The most important thing is to know the exact motivation behind the project and to focus on the positive outcome. "To change my behavior, I have to ask myself why I want to achieve the goal. Only if the why is strong enough will we be able to make uncomfortable changes and break old habits." For example, if you want to do more sport to be fitter and feel better or to prevent back pain, you should write these reasons down and internalize them. If the reason is not strong enough, the psychologist says it is better to stick with the status quo instead of devaluing yourself by not achieving your goals.

As a next step, Drachenberg recommends describing the resolution as precisely as possible: "I should not only wish for less stress, but also define clear strategies for more stress reduction and relaxation and enter them in the calendar, such as a walk in the woods, a phone call with my best friend or cooking in peace. Anything that isn't on the calendar falls to the back of the list." Drachenberg advises proactively doing more of the things that give you strength.

Change is exhausting

A change in behavior doesn't always have to involve sacrifice or suffering. If you want to approach resolutions in a positive way, you can also make regular phone calls to family or friends. However, if you want to make an uncomfortable change, such as losing weight, you need to examine your resolutions carefully, according to Drachenberg. "Our brain doesn't want change because it's very stressful. The reward center tends to think in the short term and continues to demand the strong feelings of happiness that we get from alcohol, chocolate or social media," he says. It's therefore normal to have a sinking feeling during the project, but you shouldn't feel overwhelmed. If you want to drink less but have doubts about the result, you can break down the goal and no longer drink alone or only at weekends.

The third step is to determine the time horizon. For example, if you already believe in advance that even January will be very difficult, you can set a smaller goal in order to start the process at all. Drachenberg himself works with the four-minute rule. "Everyone has four minutes a day. I've started meditating for four minutes a day, for example. And if you don't manage it once, you can make up for it the next day and make it eight minutes," says the stress coach.

To strengthen your sense of achievement, he recommends ticking off the tasks you have completed each day, for example on index cards or Excel spreadsheets. Goals in January should be measured against December. "Even if I didn't manage to exercise four times in January, but only three times, that was still more often than in December. You can build on that and go one step further in February." If you still fail to achieve your resolution a few times, it helps to stop thinking in black and white terms and remember that one is always greater than zero. The process does not have to be stopped immediately, it can be restarted every day.

Prevention is better than failure

Jacob Drachenberg is a psychologist and expert in

But great motivation alone is sometimes not enough to actually implement your plan. Many people ask themselves why they don't achieve something when they are so passionate about it. "This could be due to disruptive factors that you don't keep an eye on," explains Drachenberg. The fourth step is therefore about identifying and ultimately eliminating obstacles. Common disruptive factors are lack of time or work.

For routines, it is a good idea to set a fixed time of day, for example always after getting up or before going to bed. If you are following a "Dry January", i.e. an alcohol-free January, you should check the month for possible pitfalls. These include birthdays or social gatherings. To escape the social pressure, you can bring non-alcoholic beer and toast with it. Having an answer prepared in advance will also help you to stand firm in risky situations.

If you want to avoid failure at all costs, you can also look for fellow campaigners. Social pressure helps to maintain discipline. "If someone then fails to achieve their goal, they are sanctioned, preferably through donations to charitable organizations," says Drachenberg. Because as soon as there is a disadvantage as a consequence of not acting, motivation increases. "An even stronger motivation can be if the donation goes to someone you hate yourself. For example, if a Green voter has to donate to the FDP."

The psychologist started his resolutions back in November, because important changes are a priority for him. If the first of January has already passed, he recommends starting anyway - and not waiting for next month or next year.