Conflicts under the tree - Five ways to maneuver your relationship peacefully through the Christmas season
Many people start thinking about the question weeks and months before Christmas: What will my partner get me? And some couples have a huge row under the Christmas tree because the long-awaited gift is, for example, a vacuum cleaner for the general public and not a loving gesture. But gift-giving is just one problem at Christmas that can cause problems in a relationship.
Psychotherapist Amy Morin analyzed five Christmas problems in her book "13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do" and published them on the online portal "Psychology Today". If you pay attention to these tips, the family celebration should not become a stress trap:
Clarify expectations beforehandToavoid disappointment, the psychotherapist advises that you clarify your expectations of Christmas with your partner in advance. Consider points such as: How much budget are you planning for decorations, food or presents? Should you get the tree together or how much time should you plan for the family?
Set and maintain boundariesChristmas time can be a wonderful time, but it can also be very stressful. For example, if you have a family traveling and staying at your home, it is important to clarify in the partnership how many nights or visits are okay for each other. Also, menu requests cannot go off the scale so that the person in the kitchen no longer knows which way is up. Clear communication and respecting boundaries can prevent conflicts.
The Christmas season can increase the potential for conflict in a relationship
Don't get lost in the detailsPsychotherapistMorin advises not to lose sight of the big picture. Is it worth arguing about the Christmas decorations and is it really that important which side dish is served with the goose? Perhaps if you mentally zoom out of a situation and look at it from the outside, you can nip the odd argument in the bud.
Ina relationship, there is sometimes a tendency to criticize your partner and to pull their weight before questioning your own behaviour. Morin says: "Invest this energy in dealing with your emotions and not in trying to fix your partner". Honesty in the partnership, that you don't want to watch the thousandth Christmas movie or don't feel like going to church, are just as important, because your partner can't read your mind.
Everyone is the architect of their own happinessEspeciallyaround the holidays, frustration lurks under the tree due to heightened expectations of Christmas. That's why it's particularly important to take your happiness into your own hands and fulfill your own expectations instead of blaming your partner.
Every year at Christmas time, the expert receives an increasing number of requests for couples therapy. However, Morin also sees this time of year as an opportunity to grow closer together by becoming aware of conflict communication and reflecting on one or two situations that are not worth arguing about.
Sources: Psychology Today, Amy Morin
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- Despite the joy of the Christmas party, disagreements can arise between partners due to different expectations, such as budget for decorations or presents.
- To prevent misunderstandings during the 'Christmas time', it's essential to discuss boundaries and clarify expectations with your 'Partner', ensuring a comfortable and enjoyable 'Christmas' season for both.
- At a 'Christmas party', it's essential not to fall into the trap of criticizing your 'Partner' but instead focusing on managing your emotions and communicating openly, as suggested by psychotherapist Amy Morin.
Source: www.stern.de
