Involuntarily single - 17 reasons why some people can't find a partner
Not every person who is Single wants to change this status. But many are eagerly seeking a partner, and yet it just doesn't work out. Why? Researchers from Greece, Menelaos Apostolou and Elli Michaelidou, have taken on this problem. They identified 17 factors that can make or break partner seeking.
The relatively high occurrence of involuntary Singleness raises the question of its causes, say the researchers. For their study, they questioned 1432 people, 734 women (average age 35) and 698 men (average age 39). Among the interviewees were both the desperate and the voluntary Singles.
The study asked about the effects of 17 different traits and characteristics – which ones matter for dating success and which don't. They are:
- Compatibility
- Body-Mass-Index (BMI)
- Ability to recognize flirt attempts
- Selectiveness
- Conscientiousness
- Talkativeness
- Flirtability
- Sexual openness
- Emotional control
- Openness
- Self-worth
- Perceived partner value
- Sexual functional ability
- Shyness
- Self-deprecating attractiveness
- Sexual orientation
- Children from previous relationships
The study explored the relationship between these factors and involuntary Singleness. This is not the first study to address the mismatch problem – the paradox that societies with relatively free partner choice have a high percentage of unwilling singles. The approach of Menelaos Apostolou and Elli Michaelidou is innovative because they question a multitude of factors and examine their correlations. The results of the evaluations show that there are decisive factors that increase the likelihood of remaining Single and wanting a partner but not finding one. However, these factors differ for men and women.
Women and Men Remain Single for Different Reasons
The result: No single factor dooms one to involuntary Singleness. Only when certain traits come together does it become difficult. Poor flirtability is a negative factor for both men and women. This is not surprising, as flirting is a key skill, lacking which there are already problems in making initial contact. For women, it becomes hopeless when, in addition to poor flirtability, a cluster of low flirtability, sexual closedness, selectiveness in partner choice, and low compatibility occurs. Then, a long period of Singleness is almost inevitable.
Poor flirt techniques are also a negative factor for men. But they form a different negative cluster with other factors for women. For them, they are: low emotional control, low self-worth. In addition, there is an increased Body-Mass-Index (BMI) and impaired sexual functional ability.
A result that applies to both genders: Without good flirt techniques, nothing works. They are just a starting point, however. Affected individuals should also keep other negative factors in mind and work on them if they want to find a partner.
The study found that poor flirtability is a common factor contributing to involuntary Singleness for both men and women. For women, this is compounded by factors such as sexual closedness, selectiveness in partner choice, and low compatibility, which can lead to a prolonged period of Singleness. Men, on the other hand, may struggle with poor flirtability in conjunction with factors like low emotional control, low self-worth, an increased Body Mass Index (BMI), and impaired sexual functional ability. Regardless of gender, the researchers emphasize that lack of good flirt techniques is a significant hurdle in finding a partner, but addressing other negative factors is also crucial.
