When Vodafone writes to the dead mother
Energy supplier writes: "Your meter reading is not clear." Not even an hour later comes: "We have received your meter reading." What's going on? The technological progress has its price - and its consequences. Our columnist experiences it every week. He feels dumb and overwhelmed.
Finally, there's someone in the world who knows how I feel. Recently, I was browsing the "Community", the "Forum", of Microsoft, even though I don't know anyone or anything there. I found a kindred spirit, who was or is as clueless as I am. "Consistently account errors in MS Word (Microsoft 365)", he wrote, seeking help. I stared at the message day after day, waiting for the announcement: "Sign in again to fix the problem." I did - and felt stupid and overwhelmed once again.
I'm going crazy because I have no idea about IT and don't have the time to spend hours on this. All that's left for me is to bravely log in again and again. Again and again. In the vague hope that the miracle happens and the error disappears on its own. I take comfort in the fact that I'm not the only idiot on planet Earth. In the "Community" of Microsoft, others also report: "I've had this problem for several days. So far, the problem remains unsolved for me."
A Microsoft employee gave my suffering companion a glimmer of hope. He, apparently a time traveler from the 19th century, wrote to my companion in outdated and somewhat inappropriate German: "I stand by you completely, if I know that you have problems using Office and are repeatedly asked to sign in, and I understand how you feel." Wonderful, he understands me. He knows how wretched I feel. So reassuring. If I knew that Microsoft employees write such nonsense in a forum, I'd understand how they feel: wretched.
The time traveler shared with my companion that others are also suffering from the endless sign-in process: "We have also asked for feedback on this issue." Prima, Microsoft, that we can participate in repairing your mess. "While we wait, we recommend trying the following and will inform you as soon as we make any internal updates, and let us know if you have any insights on the way there."
What's normal?
We, the inhabitants of the virtual "Community", are waiting then. But for what? A submission? For Godot? For a Million Dollar Inheritance? For Aliens? Am I understanding this correctly? Those who find the waiting too long can make internal updates and on their way to Godot, the Million Dollar Inheritance, the Aliens, or even death, share any insights with Microsoft? Cool.
Tip: Try not to write such quirky stuff, so no one feels embarrassed. The hint that "this answer was automatically translated. Therefore, it may contain grammatical errors or strange formulations" is not very helpful - especially in such quirky German - in explaining how to fix the sign-in problem. "Delete all Office-related sign-in information, and sign in again to Office to check if this is normal."
No, that's not normal. That's crazy. But what is normal these days anyway?! "Hello Gertrud", Vodafone recently wrote to my mother in a familiar tone in a letter: "So far, you have paid the costs for the cable TV connection through your ancillary costs. The legislator has changed this." Now I'm pondering how I can put this letter up on the cloud where my mother looks down on us as we struggle with the bulging advances of technological progress. She passed away in the summer of 2019 as a great-grandmother with 92 years in a nursing home. At least the post didn't forget the resend request. Is there one in heaven?
But I'm also to blame - and I'm probably too good for the world of Gaga Capitalism. I sent an email to a company asking them to add a comma in a specific sentence in their advertisement so that potential customers, like me, who are bothered by it, are not deterred. That was meant kindly. The response: "Thank you for your inquiry. Unfortunately, we cannot process this request from a legal standpoint, as your contact information, with which you contacted us, is not registered in our system. The identification data are personal and serve to identify our contractual partner."
Try again. In this matter, it's not about a period or a comma. Unlike the electricity meter at home. I sent a photo of the meter reading to my energy supplier as requested in an email, and the situation was clear at a glance. The picture was sharp, almost brilliant. I received a message: "Your meter reading is not clear." What now? Not even an hour later, I got: "We have received your meter reading." What now? So I wrote the same day, which of the messages was valid. The company replied: "Reminder: Your meter reading is not clear." What now? In the meantime, I was able to participate in a survey about how satisfied I am with Vattenfall's service. Ha ha. They have a sense of humor.
There are companies that claim: "Just solve your problem easily in the chat." Magenta TV, which belongs to Telekom, for example. "Please confirm that you have taken note of the data protection notice and agree to it." Of course, I did. "Hello Thomas Schmoll: Now you need the reason for your interest. You have just informed yourself about our offer. I assume, therefore, that you want to be advised on a product?" No, I just needed information. I wanted to know why I couldn't log in when I used VPN. My contact person wrote: "I can certainly provide you with the login data, then try logging in again with the new login data."
What?! He? Why do they want to "send me new login data"? I have a password, I just can't log in when VPN is running. "I'm logged in. But I can't stream yet, only when I leave VPN." The contact person then asked me. "Are you still here?" My answer: "Yes." Soon after that, I asked: "Are you still there?" She didn't answer that. Instead, she switched to the familiar "you", now, where we have known each other for so long and so well. The woman told me something I didn't want to know: "You're deceiving yourself if you think you're 'anonymous' on the web when using VPN services (VPN services suggest otherwise, but that's not the case)." Aha. So-so. I wrote: "That may be. But what can I do?"
I would have been satisfied with a reasonable explanation, I didn't want to go to The Hague or to the UN. I never received a response, the chat remained silent. But the two hundred thousandth email from LinkedIn arrived. "LinkedIn works better with the app." Nice for LinkedIn.
In the realm of technological assistance, even giants like Microsoft struggle. Recently, a Vodafone chatbot failed to decipher my mother's meter reading, only to clarify it minutes later. Similarly, Microsoft's chatbot struggled with a user's account errors in Microsoft 365, advising a continuous sign-in to fix the issue.
In an attempt to understand and navigate the world of chatbots, I turned to Microsoft's "Community" forum, finding solace in knowing I'm not the only one confounded by these AI assistants. Companies like Vodafone and Microsoft, with their advanced technology, are nevertheless vulnerable to chatbot malfunctions.
