Ways to assist someone battling breast cancer, as suggested by CNN's Sara Sidner and Stephanie Elam, include:
(Editor's note: As part of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, we present a unique episode of the podcast "Living Life with Dr. Sanjay Gupta." It's an open discussion between three pals about the ailment, which two of them are currently battling. You can listen to it here*.)
(CNN) — Imagine if one of your closest friends (or sister, aunt, daughter) told you she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Would you know how to comfort her or even what to say?
CNN correspondent Stephanie Elam faced this predicament when her college pal, Ananda Lewis, a content creator and former MTV VJ, was diagnosed with the disease nearly six years ago. The situation repeated itself last year when Elam's close friend and work associate, CNN anchor and Senior National Correspondent Sara Sidner, disclosed that she too had been diagnosed with breast cancer. She shared the news in an emotional segment on live TV.
Sidner and Lewis are not alone in their fight. The National Breast Cancer Foundation reports that about one out of every eight women in the United States will be diagnosed with breast cancer during their lifetimes. Improved early detection and treatments have increased survival rates, with over 4 million breast cancer survivors in the country. However, the disease is expected to claim more than 42,000 women's lives in 2024. A persistent disparity in mortality rates exists between Black and White women: While Black women have a 4% lower incidence rate, they have a 40% higher death rate from breast cancer.
Elam sat down with Sidner and Lewis for an open and heartfelt conversation about their experiences and the lessons they've learned throughout their journeys.
Each breast cancer tale is unique
Although the individual stories of individuals with breast cancer share certain similarities, their details and trajectories can vary significantly.
Breast cancer primarily affects women, but a small percentage of cases are in men. There are different types of breast cancer, and patients are diagnosed at various stages. Both Sidner and Lewis were diagnosed at stage III.
Like Lewis, many women with breast cancer have a family history of the disease, but 90% to 95% do not.
This fact surprised Sidner. “I don’t know of breast cancer in my family,” Sidner revealed to Elam during their chat. “I told my doctor I didn’t have it in my family. ‘How did I end up getting it if it’s not my family?’ He said, ‘About 95% of people with breast cancer don’t have it in their family.’ And I said, ‘Then why do you ask? Because we all think we’re safe!’”
Mammograms are often used for detecting breast cancer, but some women, including Sidner and Lewis, discover it through self-examination. Although routine self-breast exams are no longer recommended as part of screening guidelines, many health professionals still see value in them.
Sidner strongly supports self-examination. “I just feel that it’s important to know your body, that you need to be able to feel your own body and understand what’s normal for you, and what’s abnormal,” she said.
Of course, individuals choose various treatment options, based on their diagnosis, prognosis, and overall health, values, and priorities. Lewis and Sidner opted for different approaches, with Sidner choosing conventional therapies and Lewis initially pursuing an alternative regimen.
Given the differences, it can be challenging to always know how to support someone traveling along a breast cancer journey or dealing with any other life-altering diagnosis.
Elam shifts her approach with each friend. Her advice: Keep track of their moods and listen to their needs. “If you’re unsure, you can ask how you can best support them as they navigate their cancer journey,” Elam suggested via email.
What are some meaningful ways to be there for a loved one or friend during this challenging time? Sidner offers these five suggestions, drawn from her own experiences.
Contact and don't expect a reply
Reach out through a text, email, or voicemail, relinquishing the expectation for a response, Sidner advised. “Do send a text, email or voicemail with a disclaimer such as ‘You don’t have to respond; I just want you to know I’m here when you need me’ or ‘I love you – that’s the message,’ Sidner suggested via email.
“Reach out in such a way that doesn’t demand or require a response. Don’t get upset if the person never responds or responds many days, weeks, or months later,” she continued.
“When you are initially diagnosed and going through cancer treatment, you need to know that people care about you, but it can be stressful if you feel pressure to respond to every message, email, or letter while navigating the complexities of treatment and your own emotions. It can feel really overwhelming,” she explained.
Elam identified the need. “Neither of my friends wanted constant contact,” she said. “But if they go silent for an extended period, I found that simply sending a text of encouragement was enough of a long-distance hug.
“This is about them; not you. So, make it clear that they don’t have to respond, even if you only send love and let them know you’re there when they need you,” she said.
In essence, assure them you're there — without any conditions attached.
"Many of us receive so many blankets and candles as gifts that we end up having to donate some of them to others, which makes us feel a tad guilty for giving away something that was once a friend or colleague's possession, even if it's for a good cause," she pointed out.
"Eating properly is crucial for healing, but during treatment, cooking can sometimes feel like an unbearable task," she acknowledged.
Sidner pointed out that during chemotherapy, your sense of smell can become incredibly intense, "so strong smells like chopping onions or garlic, which usually make a meal more delicious, can actually trigger nausea or just be really unpleasant. Delivery services can be a lifesaver," she said.
If you enjoy cooking, a favorite dish left at the door is also greatly appreciated, as long as you don't invite yourself in!
Tone it down a notch
Sidner suggested treating your friend or family member with care, but not with pity.
"It's comforting when you're not treated like you're made of glass or like you're going to die. It's nice to be able to laugh or tease each other or talk about everyday life without always having to think about cancer," she said.
Elam naturally understood that sometimes, you need to be the distraction. "Sending funny memes or giving updates on other aspects of life allowed them to enjoy some normality. They didn't want me sitting around looking at them with puppy dog eyes," she noted.
Use caution when sharing experiences
Sidner advised against sharing horror stories. "If you know someone who has gone through the same type of cancer, it's alright to share any tips that helped them get through it. But keep the anecdotal everything-went-wrong stories to yourself," she suggested.
Be a matchmaker for cancer survivors
Sidner encouraged making connections between cancer survivors. "If someone you know is willing to share their experience with someone who is newly diagnosed, it can greatly reduce anxiety," she said.
"Learning from women who have gone through the same treatment as I was, or were about to start, was a game changer for me - especially when it came to surgery," she shared.
Sidner said that after one informative conversation with a cancer survivor, she was able to make specific requests to her physician - even requesting the type of incision she wanted.
"It gave me a bit more control in a situation that, for the most part, felt completely out of my control, even though it was my own body going through it," she said.
Keep the inquisition to a minimum
Elam advised against asking too many questions about their procedures. "It's our job to love them where they are mentally or physically, and answering all the questions can be tiring," she said.
We hope these tips help you support a loved one going through breast cancer or any other life-altering diagnosis. Listen to the full episode here. And, just in time for Halloween, join us next week on the “Chasing Life” podcast when we explore the bittersweet truth about sugar and how it affects our health.
CNN’s Jennifer Lai contributed to this report.
Despite improved treatments and increased survival rates, breast cancer remains a significant health concern, particularly for Black women who have a higher death rate from the disease despite a lower incidence rate. It's crucial to know how to support loved ones diagnosed with breast cancer, as routine self-breast exams and mammograms can still play a role in early detection. Ask your friend how you can best support them during their journey, and be sure to offer encouragement without expecting a response or putting too much pressure on them.
