Caring for Children - Transforming care work for fathers: Identifying necessary adjustments.
The internet sensation, Sebastian Tigges, known for his online persona @tigges, is seemingly the epitome of a father in 2024: present, involved, and reflective. His clips on Instagram often discuss bed rest and feeding babies. However, despite this perception, recent statistics from the Federal Statistical Office show that men are significantly underrepresented when it comes to parental leave. A mere 1.9% of fathers with children under the age of six had taken parental leave in 2022, while this number was almost a quarter for mothers. The so-called Gender Care Gap currently stands at 44.3%. Women spend an astounding 44.3% more time on unpaid care work than men on a daily basis. What's the gap between the seemingly perfect social media dad and real life? And why are men hesitant to embrace their fathering roles more fully?
Jutta Allmendinger, sociologist and President of the Berlin Social Science Center (WZB), sheds some light on this conundrum. "The positive news is that in all our surveys, fathers say they would like to spend more time with their children," she notes. "And it's the same with mothers who want to spend more time in their careers. So there's an openness to change."
However, the status quo remains because of entrenched societal norms within organizations and government. "We tell fathers, go on parental leave! On the other hand, there are structures that promote the opposite," explains Allmendinger. For example, practices like "expensive spouse splitting" create incentives for women to stay at home longer after giving birth and work part-time later. "It's research that shows this," she adds. Men are more involved in childcare than in previous times, but with a catch. As Patricia Cammarata, author of "Get Out of the Mental Load Trap: How Equal Work Distribution in the Family Works," points out, "men prefer taking on the 'uncles' roles": the fun parts like playing with children, but not the mundane tasks like homework supervision or driving kids to sports activities. That's generally left to women.
Cammarata attributes this to socialization. "While women are raised with the idea that they are primarily responsible for care tasks in the family and carry a large portion of the 'mental load' - which is everything going on in their heads, initiating and delegating - men often view themselves as a type of assistant who waits for orders." Men do the tasks assigned to them, but they don't understand the full process behind it. This creates hierarchies in relationships.
A study conducted by the Zeit newspaper, WZB, and the Institute for Applied Social Sciences interviewed over 4200 individuals. It found that men are responsible for only three areas related to daily life: finances, maintenance, and handicrafts. "The rest - so, all the care work - is done by women," explains Cammarata.
But how do fathers view the situation themselves? There isn't an abundance of information on this topic. Eberhard Schäfer, Director of the Father Center Berlin, offers a perspective. He observes that fathers tend to address care work only when they're facing relationship issues. "They often feel overwhelmed and also dissatisfied because their efforts are not appreciated," says Schäfer. "They don't want this," he adds. "Fathers do take time for their children even if they don't go on parental leave, and the distribution of parental leave is a result of partnership negotiations where the woman is involved."
Changing political conditions could potentially solve this issue, according to Allmendinger. "Since men and women both want to change, we should focus on changing structures that hinder that change." One potential solution is implementing the coalition agreement's proposal – fixing the family allowance and providing more time for fathers on parental leave. Additionally, Allmendinger proposes a shorter duration of parental allowance with a higher wage replacement, allowing families to maintain their income during the transition. "It's about creating a more balanced approach to parenting."
And what about the marital splitting? "It's challenging, but we could possibly introduce transitional regulations for pensions," she suggests. "The savings should remain with the family to be used specifically for children, rather than the marriage itself." By alleviating some of the financial stressors, it might encourage fathers to shoulder a greater share of caregiving responsibilities.
In order for change to happen between couples, both parties need to be aware that the woman is the primary caregiver and backup for the man, according to Cammarata. "This approach only works if she shares her capabilities and expertise with him."
Female experts suggest that women should not take on all tasks themselves and rush through them. Instead, they should clearly communicate what needs to be done and when. "Men don't seem to pick up on these subtle cues, so it's crucial to be very specific about them."
The most effective way for men who want to take paternity leave is to do so alone, rather than simultaneously with their partner. "It's essential to avoid any sense of blame when discussing task distribution. Men should not be made to feel guilty."
Allmendinger agrees, stating that we can't live in a world where we pit men against women. "We can't ignore the progress that men have made in recent years. If we focus on the distribution of care work as a whole, we can respect everyone involved and keep them engaged."
Even though women have discussed maternity leave, childcare, and "care work" for a more extended period, it's still beneficial to have public figures like Sebastian Tigges who embrace fatherhood, says Cammarata. "He's sending the right message. If we can have a conversation about sharing the responsibility of care work beyond just mothers and fathers, so much the better."
