Mothers on this Mother's Day wish for less criticism about their bodies and more encouragement instead.

This Mother's Day, mothers desire less body-shaming and more support.

The societal pressure for women to have a perfect appearance isn't our doing. Recognizing and resisting exaggerated appearance standards can enhance a mother's life at every phase of parenthood.

While women encounter aesthetic expectations throughout their lives, for those who give birth, the postpartum period can be particularly stressful.

I'll never forget being a mother of young children in 2010 when model Gisele Bündchen posed for Vogue just months after having a baby. During the internet uproar that followed, the supposedly comforting takeaway was that "ordinary" women shouldn't compare themselves to a supermodel.

But almost all postpartum mothers, famous or not, feel an unspoken responsibility to "bounce back" to their pre-baby body. Even if you had Bündchen's DNA and support staff, it's unreasonable and even cruel to expect you to focus on looking as if you've never been pregnant.

The reality is that you've just created a human inside your body and physically expelled them or undergone significant abdominal surgery. Despite what we see in magazines and on social media, "there's no bouncing back from growing a human," said Jen McLellan, a certified birth educator in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

'Bouncing-back' expectations can be damaging

Since pregnancy and childbirth are among the largest physical transformations a person can undergo, bounce-back expectations aren't simply unreasonable - they can compromise new mothers' well-being and health.

The impact of these harmful outward appearance pressures is something worth paying attention to, according to Jill Schwartz, a Los Angeles-based perinatal therapist. "Our society does such a disservice to mothers," she remarked, bombarding them with prescriptions on their appearance instead of providing the essential support they need.

These damaging beauty ideals can exacerbate or even cause mental health disorders, particularly for postpartum women with a history of depression, anxiety, or disordered eating. If mothers are preoccupied with their appearance, exercise, or food (even "healthy eating"), it could be a sign of significant maternal mental health issues.

One of the most essential steps for new mothers is to work toward appreciating and accepting the changes that come with parenthood.

"The body isn't what it was before," Schwartz said. "And you've accomplished this amazing, unique feat that not everyone gets to experience. You can grow and embrace that. But your body won't be exactly like how it was before, just like life won't be like it was before."

When mothers feel pressured to try to manage or reduce their body size, they can begin by acknowledging that these notions aren't natural or innate but have been "inherited from the culture." Awareness of these external diet culture instructions can help mothers start to push back against unhealthy and counterproductive ideals.

Some women may find empowerment in openly opposing the widespread narrative: "Do the polar opposite of the pressure society is placing on you," Schwartz advised. For example, people may advise new parents to increase their exercise levels rapidly, but the healthier course of action is to "go slow, be patient, and grant your body grace during the healing process."

Appearance pressures resurface prior to menopause

The gap between increased maternal vulnerability and an additional barrage of unrealistic beauty expectations culminates in women during the years leading up to menopause.

As with the postpartum period, perimenopause brings new challenges at a tumultuous time in life. Many midlife women are coping with hormonal fluctuations and physical changes while simultaneously raising children and supporting aging parents. "The collision of motherhood and perimenopause is a challenging situation," Benfield noted.

It's not surprising that negative body image and disordered eating patterns tend to increase during midlife, when women are expected to maintain a timeless look rather than allow for the natural and natural transformations that occur with age, observed Benfield, who treats people with eating disorders.

Women of all ages need to hear her critical message: "Bodies change. And that's okay. Let's normalize that."

A favorable impact on family

Mothers may discover it less difficult to reject diet culture and the thin ideal when they acknowledge the positive effect they can have on their families. "We're teaching our children how to love themselves," McLellan said. Even if a mother isn't overtly dieting or weighing herself in front of her children, "kids are listening and watching in more ways than you can conceive."

The rewards for children are persuasive, but moms deserve to feel better about their bodies for their sake, too. By defeating unhealthy ideals, mothers become "less encumbered and feel more present and therefore more powerful in their own lives."

An integral part of this process involves unraveling a lot of what diet culture has taught us about thinness.

"It is extremely significant that we unpack our own weight bias," McLellan emphasized. "We all carry internalized messages because we grew up with them. And the more we're willing to engage in that process, the more profound love we can find for ourselves."

One method for mothers to feel better about their bodies is to practice significant self-care.

"I'm not talking about bubble baths and cozy socks. I'm talking about making appointments for pap smears and dental work." Finding healthcare providers who understand and welcome all body sizes, especially for mothers with larger bodies, is crucial not only for self-acceptance but for their general health.

When addressing weight stigma and caring for ourselves, moms can begin to "erase those messages we've absorbed, believing our bodies are flawed or undesirable, and instead focusing on the value of overall well-being," McLellan remarked.

What can I do to help fellow moms?

When a friend or loved one is dealing with negative body image, it might be tempting to dismiss their thoughts and instead compliment them. While some mothers might appreciate such validation, there's a risk of making things worse by disregarding their emotions while also emphasizing how their appearance is precious.

Listening attentively and attempting to "deemphasize appearance" may be a more effective way of connecting. Friends, family, and partners can extend their unconditional love and even discuss how detrimental our society's unachievable beauty standards are for women.

A possible approach for expressing empathy and initiating a deeper conversation could sound like this: "Aren't we mothers so ill-treated by society's ideal of beauty during this time in our lives?"

Questioning societal norms and rejection of beauty standards can serve as a starting point for resisting other ways mothers feel inadequate. It's essential for every mom to keep in mind this truth year-round: "You are deserving. You are perfect the way you are today. You are doing enough, and you already are enough."

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Embracing wellness and self-care can significantly improve a mother's mental health during and after the postpartum period. The pressure to "bounce back" to their pre-pregnancy body can be damaging, but focusing on overall well-being and accepting the changes brought by parenthood can lead to a more positive body image and increased self-acceptance.

Source: edition.cnn.com