The main thing is that the hairstyle fits! What beauty means today - and how we are freeing ourselves from social ideals

If you want to be beautiful, you have to suffer, they say. True to this motto, more and more people are undergoing extensive cosmetic surgery. The crooked nose - a family trait - is swapped for a petite nose, the wrinkles on the forehead that tell the story of a previous life are transformed into youthful skin and the belly fat that reminds us of the last pregnancy is simply sucked out - leaving a flat stomach. And these are just the more harmless methods that women in particular use to try to conform to the current ideal of beauty.

Going to the beauty doctor has long since ceased to be a phenomenon of the older generation; a recent representative ZDF survey of 25 to 34-year-olds shows that 42% of respondents are generally open to such an operation, and if you only ask women, the figure is more than 50%. It almost seems as if the social trend towards self-optimization has reached a new peak. According to statistics from the Association of German Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons (VDÄPC), there were already 93,853 aesthetic operations in 2022, an increase of 15 percent compared to the previous year. And since then, demand has continued to rise, with estimates of 400,000 to 700,000 procedures per year - in Germany.

The main thing is individual and beautiful

But why are more and more people apparently of the opinion that they are not beautiful enough? And what does beauty actually mean? These are questions that the psychological psychotherapist and psychoanalyst Ada Borkenhagen has been dealing with for years. She researches and teaches at Otto von Guericke University Magdeburg on how we deal with beauty. She is certain that the importance of beauty is generally increasing. In an interview with stern magazine, she says: "The reason for this certainly lies in the trend towards individualization in our Western societies."

A phenomenon we are all familiar with: We want to live as independently as possible, realize ourselves and not be pigeonholed with others. The core message: everyone is unique. And that's basically true. However, according to Borkenhagen, this also means that nowadays we no longer define our identity so much by belonging to a certain class or group, but increasingly by our appearance. And because Western societies are often about performance, a kind of race is also emerging here: beautiful, more beautiful, most beautiful.

But who actually determines what is beautiful? According to Borkenhagen, there are various attractiveness parameters that influence us subconsciously in this respect. "We find a certain degree of symmetry attractive, for example, but not complete symmetry." The reason: perfection looks unnatural to us because no one has a completely symmetrical face by nature. In a scientific publication, attractiveness researcher Martin Gründl also adds other characteristics that are generally considered beautiful: Health, youthfulness and gender-typical looks.

Looking like Kate Moss or the Kardashians

At least that's the theory. In reality, however, we find that beauty is in the eye of the beholder - at least when it comes to the people we enter into relationships with, the people we become friends with and the people we trust. We often live a different truth, true to the motto: everyone is beautiful in their own way.

And yet we all know them, the Heidi Klums, Kim Kardashians or Kate Mosses of this world, who make us look disillusioned in the mirror in the morning and start the day with a good dose of self-doubt. The media still show us what today's men and women should look like if they want to be someone. And most of the time, it's the measurements that seem to come from the same catalog of perfection: Women should be slim and curvy, men should be muscular and tall.

"Nowadays, many women are also attracted to the childlike appearance with big eyes, a small nose and a pout," adds psychoanalyst Borkenhagen to stern magazine. This is partly due to the strong influence of social media on our view of the world. The beauty filters of Instagram, TikTok and co. shape an unrealistic image, which in turn is reflected in our perception of beauty. Borkenhagen explains it like this: "On the internet, we see many women who have enlarged their eyes and softened their faces to look younger and more childlike. And the more often we see something like this, the more normal it seems to us that women look like this."

And this actually starts at an early age: According to a representative YouGov survey of 14 to 30-year-olds commissioned by the AOK-Bundesverband, the use of social networks has a significant impact on the self-perception and body image of adolescents. According to the survey, 40 percent of young people feel a great deal of pressure to look better and be more successful as a result of social media consumption.

If the pressure gets to your head, you can knock on the door of Felix Graf von Spiegel, for example. The cosmetic surgeon spoke to stern magazine about his job - and takes a critical view of the developments in his industry brought about by social media. "Younger people are very social media-oriented and influenced by it. They perceive a body image as beautiful and normal that is by no means normal, but has been achieved through surgery and then want to look like that." This sometimes leads to them no longer liking their own reflection in the mirror.

When the addiction to beauty makes you ill

And this doesn't happen all that rarely. The aforementioned ZDF survey shows that more than one in five respondents suffer psychologically from their appearance (22.4 percent). In the worst cases, the whole thing can take on pathological traits. The technical term for this is dysmorphophobia - a disturbed self-perception. This serious mental illness usually occurs at a young age, often during puberty. Those affected have an objectively normal appearance, but perceive themselves as ugly or even disfigured. The focus on these supposed flaws gets out of hand and is intensified by comparison with supposedly flawless people.

According to a research team from the Boston University School of Medicine, this phenomenon is at least encouraged by beauty filters. According to the study, photo filters have a negative effect on self-perception and, when used regularly, fuel strong self-doubt, dissatisfaction with one's own reflection decreases and going to the beauty doctor becomes more and more realistic.

According to psychoanalyst Borkenhagen, however, this can even be advisable in some cases: "Beauty treatments can also help you come to terms with yourself, i.e. increase your self-acceptance," she explains in an interview with stern magazine. "If I have a certain ideal image of myself and come closer to this image through surgery, then I will probably feel more in tune with myself because my ideal self and my real self have come closer together."

However, the line between a healthy desire to optimize and pathological self-loathing is blurred. According to Borkenhagen, it is perfectly normal to be dissatisfied with individual body parts and to have them surgically adjusted if necessary. However, as soon as you desperately try to look like someone else, you should think about it and perhaps consider seeing a psychotherapist instead of a beauty clinic.

And beauty should not be the top priority in our lives. Many people think that if they are beautiful, they will automatically lead a happy life. But Borkenhagen is certain: "What actually makes people happy is something else: fulfilling relationships." And we actually prevent this if we are too focused on our appearance. "If I spend all my time making sure I look as beautiful as possible, then I build a wall around myself and can't engage with the other person, and therefore can't connect with other people." So sometimes it pays to have a little more courage to be ugly.