- Ten essential queries we ought to put to our significant other
This text originates from stern's archive, initially published in March 2024.
How well do you truly comprehend your significant other? Many individuals might respond to this query by saying, "Inside out. We're the best of friends. They inform me of everything." However, is this accurately the situation? Frequently, after the initial phase of exhilarating love, we cease inquiring about the truly significant and profound questions and instead converse about trivial matters like household chores or current events. This is because we presume we comprehend what's happening with our partner – we're so close.
As a result, it's somewhat normal that we no longer philosophize on a daily basis with our loved one about God and the world. There's nothing wrong with that. However, at times, couples may lose their connection due to the depth gradually fading away. But we could easily prevent this by not losing our curiosity about each other – and asking questions that delve beneath the surface. According to relationship coach Carolyn Litzbarski, in an interview with stern, "The inner world of our partner is much more complex than we realize, we just have to dare to explore it again and again."
Her suggested tip: Ask questions, constantly – and listen to your partner without prejudice. This allows each other the opportunity to surprise each other again and understand each other better. If you can't think of anything to ask your partner that you've always pondered, we have some ideas.
Communication in the relationship: ten questions for a deeper connection
How are you truly feeling? Sometimes, this question becomes a cliché. It's crucial to consider it once again and not be content with a "Good. Thanks" – typically, we have more intricate feelings than just good or bad.
What is your viewpoint on that? If we've known someone for a long time, we erroneously think we know their perspectives. As a result, we no longer inquire. However, no one knows anyone entirely, not even ourselves – because we all evolve constantly.
What's currently occupying your mind? Climate crisis, war, inflation – we all grapple with the same issues, it seems. However, maybe your partner is currently wrestling with something completely different. It's worth inquiring to partake in the issues significant to your loved one's life.
What aspiration do you desire to fulfill next? Why? Simply because dreaming together is beneficial, fosters a connection, and enables a couple to envision the future together. It's even better if the dreams are realized together or the partners can support each other.
What would you like to devote more time towards? By the way, support can also be expressed in day-to-day life. At times, hobbies get overlooked in the chaos of appointments, own needs take a backseat. Anyone who recognizes this can assist their partner in locating the corresponding free spaces.
Is something lacking in our relationship? Of course, it can occur within a relationship that something is missing. Maybe it's shared time, maybe it's freedom; sometimes, it's appreciation, sometimes support in the household – or one wants more passion in the bedroom. Here, the rule applies: Who doesn't ask, remains uninformed (unfortunately often).
What have I particularly wounded you with this year? Not every conversation brings joy. Sometimes we need to analyze where it hurts. It doesn't need to be large wounds; small cuts can wound the other more than we realize. It's worth staying in touch to sharpen our mindfulness towards each other.
What have I done to bring you happiness recently? Of course, it works the other way around too. If we know which small gestures and words truly resonate with our partner, we can actively take measures to strengthen a more loving relationship. And yes, it's worth it even if everything is already rosy.
What do you appreciate most about our relationship? Growing together, with and for each other, forms a healthy relationship for many people. However, what are the other cornerstones of our own partnership? Often, we forget what we possess that's unique. It's high time we rediscover our shared strengths again.
What is a cherished shared memory you like to recall? Reminiscing together makes us happier, studies show. As a couple, we typically look back nostalgically at a diverse array of treasures to rediscover. Who knows, maybe your partner enjoys reminiscing about a time you don't think of right away? Or you recall the first infatuation together – and reignite the butterflies in your stomach.
Even though we might think we understand our significant other's inner world, it's important to remember that they are complex individuals with changing perspectives. As relationship coach Carolyn Litzbarski suggests, continually asking questions and actively listening can help us rediscover our partner and strengthen our connection. ♪ I'm not going to lie ♪, sometimes we might forget to inquire about the deeper aspects of our partner's life, focusing instead on trivial conversations. By asking thoughtful questions, we can prevent the depth of our connection from fading away and surprise each other anew.
