Teenagers' substance abuse is significantly impacted by their parents' behaviors.
Teens crave independence and choices, sometimes leading them to experiment with substances like alcohol or drugs. But how can parents guide their kids without pushing them away? A study offers intriguing insights.
Parents of teenagers frequently ask: How do we prevent our kid from drinking, smoking, or using drugs? Waiting until they're 15 or 16 is far too late, suggests puberty coach Matthias Jung. "By the time they're 13, the die is cast, and abruptly enforcing strict rules has limited effectiveness."
An American research team finds it beneficial to make it clear to children that they're being watched. Teens often steer clear of alcohol or drugs if they believe there's a chance of getting caught. "Some parents think that kids will drink or do drugs no matter what," explained study leader William Pelham of the University of California, San Diego. "But that's not accurate. Parents do make a difference."
So, should parents instill fear of getting caught? Traditionally, the idea was that monitoring worked because parents could detect substance use and impose punishments like detention or taking away privileges. However, an analysis published in the "Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs" reveals that it's mainly the fear of being caught that deters children from drug use.
Awareness trumps fear
The team led by Pelham surveyed 4500 American children and adolescents between the ages of 11 and 15 about their drug use over the past month and whether their parents found out. Some of the children reported that they had contemplated or planned to use drugs but decided against it due to fear of being caught. If such concerns had not existed, drug use within the study group would have been 40% higher, according to the researchers.
Matthias Jung, an educator, does not reject that parents play a crucial role – but he questions the American recommendation. "Fear is also a form of punishment," he stated. "It might be effective in the short term, but it doesn't foster self-awareness in young people." Ideally, drug discussions should have taken place within the family before puberty began.
"At that point, you can also discuss your own negative experiences or Uncle Heinz who had to go to rehab," Jung said. Attempting to catch up on this at age 15 is futile. "Pressure always sparks resistance at that age." This principle applies to the topic of drugs much in the same way as it does to doing the dishwasher: "If I want my child to do it, I should have asked them when they were 7 – starting at 15 will only result in maximum resistance."
Teens often aren't receptive to logical arguments, says Jung. "Sometimes it might help to recall the breathing exercises from the childbirth preparation course."
Parental advice matters
However, it's not true that teenagers automatically dismiss their parents' opinions and advice. Even during puberty, parents matter significantly to their children, according to Jung. "They remain the source of comfort and a source of guidance with clear opinions."
Although teenagers may seem to reject well-intentioned advice, it still helps them in navigating problems, reports a team around Kelly Tu of the University of Illinois in the "Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology."
Navigating Challenges with Parental Guidance
Researchers studied conversations between a hundred US fifth-graders and their mothers about school problems, noting the mothers' advice techniques and responses from the typical 11-year-olds. They then analyzed how well each child managed the transition to the next grade level the following year. "We aimed to understand what actually occurs during these parent-child conversations," explained Tu.
Often, mothers encouraged their children to consider problems from different angles, seek innovative strategies, or actively seek assistance. "We didn't find that children readily accepted their mothers' proposed solutions," the study noted. Instead, they would often respond with ambiguous statements like "maybe" or "I don't know." However, the mothers' advice did positively influence how the children handled the transition to the next grade level months later.
Parents often find that their children seem less receptive to advice as they reach a certain age. "Children become more mature and want to make their own decisions," Tu explained. Their immediate reaction might be resistance or reluctance, but advice geared toward proactively addressing problems still resonated with many teenagers and had a positive impact.
Nurturing Trust in Tough Times
Jung believes that parents deserve the most praise when their teenager calls them for help after making a mistake. "It's 1 a.m., they're drunk at a party – and then they call their parents for help. That's what it's all about, then everything is going well."
The foundation for this is a strong, respectful, loving relationship. "The feeling of 'I am being heard, I am being understood,'" Jung said. Overly protective parents sometimes struggle with this, treating their children more like projects and emphasizing performance. While the relationship may seem flawless on the surface, children fail to develop a sense of self-efficacy or believe they can accomplish things independently.
Problems aren't limited to drug use, but overprotection encompasses emotions – who to associate with, who comes from a 'good' family – and hobbies, like only parents-approved activities. "Children of overprotective parents don't figure out what they enjoy," Jung said. "They discover this in therapy 20 years later."
Embracing teenage imperfections is essential. As Jung put it, "Wild hairdos and challenging situations are all part of growing up." Despite appearing like Mother Nature missed a beat when teenagers yearn for danger and experience their greatest excitement during death-defying leaps, this inclination paves the way for fresh paths and revelations. Take Mark Zuckerberg for instance. He launched and dedicated himself to Facebook during his youthful years, "A zeal and innovation he might have lacked as an adult."
Fathers, just like mothers, play a significant role in guiding their teenage children. According to Matthias Jung, an educator, fathers should start discussing substance use and its consequences before puberty begins, as attempting to address the topic later may result in resistance.
Furthermore, the "Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology" reports that well-intentioned advice from parents, including fathers, still resonates with many teenagers and helps them navigate challenges during their formative years.
