Parent-child relationship - Strengthening the connection: 15 questions we should definitely ask our parents
We learn to walk, speak and what it means to love from them: our parents shape us for life. This applies in both positive and negative ways. As we grow up, we can hardly imagine that at some point there will be a life without these two people (ideally) by our side. And then we become adults ourselves, start our careers and begin to lead our own lives.
As a result, our parents suddenly play a smaller role in our everyday lives. Not because our love for them has changed - but because the focus naturally shifts to friendships, work and starting our own family and fulfilling our dreams. Sometimes, however, we lose touch with the people who have usually been with us from our first breath.
The problem with familiar role models
It's often not even the lack of time together that is to blame. According to recent surveys, more than half of young adults talk to their parents on the phone at least once a week. For many adults, their own parents are also still the first point of contact in the particularly bad and good moments of life.
And yet the parent-child relationship often lacks depth when children become adults. Precisely because we often fall into old patterns. At least that's what Hamburg communication psychologist Constanze Bossemeyer says in an earlier interview with stern magazine: "Adult children quickly react tensely when they are already waiting in a position of deference for their parents to treat them like children again."
As a result, adults tend to behave like children again in their parental home and the eye level that a relationship between adult children and their parents could achieve becomes a distant prospect. As adults, we have the wonderful opportunity to get to know our parents in a completely new way.
Getting to know our parents as people
When both parties have reached a certain age, it is not only easier to get old issues out of the way. We can also learn a lot about life from our parents. About theirs and ours. "The family has a lot of power," says psychologist Klaus A. Schneewind in an interview with"GEO". No one can escape the influence of their parents.
This makes it all the more important that we really get to know our parents. And not just in their usual parental role, but also as people. Because it is from them that we learn to perceive and categorize the world. In psychotherapy, it is no coincidence that childhood can have an impact on our entire life. If we understand our parents' motives for certain things, it is easier for us to deal with them.
But how do you get to know people you think you've known all your life? As is so often the case - with the right questions and an honest and open interest in the other person. While the open attitude should come naturally, you can get some inspiration when it comes to questions. We have a few initial ideas.
15 questions we can ask our parents
- How did you imagine your life as a teenager?
- What is the best memory of your youth?
- When was the best time in your life - and why?
- And what was the hardest time?
- How do you see the world?
- How has being a parent changed your life?
- What values are important to you in life?
- What did your parents give you along the way?
- When do you feel really carefree and alive?
- What kind of person do you want to be - and what is holding you back?
- What do you regret not having done so far?
- What do love, friendship, money and success mean to you?
- What dream do you still want to fulfill?
- How do you deal with your own mortality?
- What kind of person do you want to be remembered as?
Of course, these questions are just a selection of the infinite number of questions you can and should ask your parents. The general rule is: ask what you are honestly interested in. The most important thing is to approach the conversation with an open mind. Our parents often have different attitudes to us.
Here it is important to deal respectfully with possible differences of opinion and leave room for your own perspectives. If you manage to do this, you are well on the way to a deeper connection with your mother and/or father. And by the way, you also learn something about yourself in the exchange with your parents.
Sources: Survey on the relationship between adult children and their parents (Redaktions Netzwerk Deutschland), Study on the alienation of adult children from their parents
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Source: www.stern.de
