- Pondering over our perspective of the world, a consumer expresses their viewpoint on coexisting with psychedelics
My buddies introduced me to narcotics. It was through them that I first tasted MDMA, later followed by acid. Isn't it usual that we're introduced to intoxicants like booze or cigarettes by our surroundings? Someone imbibes, has fun, no obvious downsides – consumption becomes normal, curiosity stirs. And with enough curiosity, one eventually gives in and tries it themselves.
When I started ingesting psychedelic substances, I initially saw them through rose-colored glasses. I believed that psychedelics weren't as harmful as I'd always been led to believe, and if you just followed a few guidelines, anyone could consume them. Of course, it's not that simple. It took me years to grasp the pros and cons of consuming psychedelics – and to realize they're not for everyone.
Trips follow a predictable pattern. Visual changes are common. Suddenly, the distinction between objects becomes blurred. My hand, my laptop, and my microphone transform into a homogeneous entity. Then there are emotional enhancements. Feelings become more intense – in every direction. Those who consume psychedelics sometimes discover feelings they hadn't felt before. Psychedelics essentially stimulate hidden aspects of our subconscious, including memories and feelings.
How Psychedelics Alter Us
Psychedelics work on the brain like an extremely intense meditation. Consumption puts the brain into an observing state. This allows us to take on a different perspective and break free from familiar thought patterns and old ways of thinking. Of course, you don't pop the pill and instantly see everything differently. But there's a chance to experience new perceptions under the influence, feel emotions, and entertain thoughts that we can incorporate into our daily lives – if we choose to.
Psychedelics have altered me. I've always been a cerebral person, tending to complicate the world with my thoughts and suppress my feelings. This led to my estrangement from myself, barely feeling myself at all. I thought I was doing fine. The trips then drew me into the emotional realm. Suddenly, I felt how I really felt about my job or my relationship, instead of just pondering about it.
But I've also made crucial decisions under the influence of psychedelics. For example, I proposed to my current spouse while under their influence. I looked at her and suddenly knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this woman. You could say that the intoxicant helped me do the right thing. Sober, I would have kept postponing, waiting for some "perfect moment".
The Modern Drug Addict
However, I've also learned to face fear through psychedelics. I always thought I wasn't an anxious person. I had just consistently suppressed it. Until I encountered it during a trip. I was at a friend's place, and we consumed a moderate dose of acid and listened to music. And suddenly, I felt an unfamiliar sensation. It was so intense, so big, and I couldn't resist it anymore. The suppressed fear overwhelmed me. I hyperventilated but managed, thanks to my friend, to accept this feeling. Within 20 minutes, I confronted every fear I didn't want to feel in my life: fear of death, fear of being alone, fear that something might happen to someone... And each time, the feeling became more tolerable, it lost its power.
Through psychedelics, I've developed an overall mental adaptability that enables me to empathize with others while arguing, question my role in the situation, and imagine how I'd feel in the other person's place. This is what makes psychedelics so intriguing for trauma research: their use can help perceive traumatic memories and experiences from a different perspective. Instead of always traveling on the same life paths, we can change paths through trips and experience or feel what's out there. We learn: it's a choice of how we perceive the world. That gives us some sort of control.
Before, I always pictured drug addicts as sick junkies, influenced by my upbringing and exposure to kids from Bahnhof Zoo. My image of a drug trip was loss of control. I knew people who lay motionless on the floor with foam in their mouths – a classic sight at Germany's train stations. Today, I know better. I know that people who consume psychedelics are not always sick, but often belong to the middle of society.
Managers, janitors, waitstaff, nurses – everyone can consume something occasionally and still lead a normal life. Of course, there are also people who are addicted and have problematic consumption. These people need help, there's no denying that. But I've also encountered many other realities. That's my experience with psychedelics. That doesn't mean that the substances affect everyone the same way. The consumption of psychedelics remains an individual matter.
I began exploring various psychedelic substances beyond MDMA and acid, guided by my curiosity. Despite initial beliefs that psychedelics were harmless with proper guidelines, I later realized their impact is complex and not universally beneficial.
My psychedelic experiences also led me to confront hidden emotions and fears, including my fear of death and being alone. Accepting these feelings under the influence was a turning point in my emotional growth.
