Parental-free zones, disapproving glances on airplanes, and "procreators" causing irritation: Understanding the source of public frustration towards children
Occasionally, provocative social media posts spark heated discussions about children's presence in everyday life. There was the person who mockingly suggested that toddlers should be tethered. There was the individual who boasted outside a place claiming to be "dog-friendly" and "child-free," and the one who justified their actions by stating that disliking children is "common and normal."
In certain online spheres, individuals express these sentiments even more bluntly, using terms like "offspring beasties" for children and "spawners" for parents.
These perspectives surface offline as well. The issue of crying babies on planes often causes tensions, with some passengers glaring, screaming or more recently, ** confining the disruptive child in the restroom to reprimand them. As those preferring quiet, well-behaved children express their preferences for childless restaurants, grocery stores, and flights, more businesses** cater to them.
The underlying implication (regardless of its intent) is that children are an inconvenience and adults should not be burdened with their presence if they don't want to.
The boldness with which people voice this perspective, even if it's more a meme than reality, affects parents. Some parents (generally mothers) are so concerned about their child potentially disturbing others that they constantly apologize for normal kid behaviors. Others distribute earplugs and sweets on flights.
Mariah Maddox, a freelance writer from Ohio, has yet to fly with her 3-year-old due to her fear of being judged by fellow passengers.
“It makes parents overly apologetic when their child is in a public setting or in the presence of others, even if the child is not causing any major disruptions,” she says.
Though this undercurrent of hostility toward children is noticeable online, it's challenging to quantify its prevalence in daily life or identify its sources.
However, some scholars and parenting experts believe that these sentiments signify broader shifts in how children are perceived in our culture and society — at least among the tech-savvy.
Some react to conservative rhetoric
Adults complaining about children intruding on their comfort is not a recent phenomenon.
In 2000, Elinor Burkett wrote about childless adults who resented the benefits and workplace flexibility afforded to parents in “The Baby Boon: How Family-Friendly America Cheats the Childless.” One individual quoted in the book described children in the office as a “petting zoo” and considered having children as "disgorging spawn."
The same year, journalist Lisa Belkin explored the tension between people with children and those without in a New York Times Magazine article titled “Your Kids Are Their Problem.” One man mentioned in the piece desired to live in a neighborhood "untouched" by children; another referred to his friends with kids as "child-burdened." The article also highlighted numerous childless websites whose names for children included "brats," "anklebiters," and "crib lizards."
While openly hostile attitudes toward children had once been considered somewhat niche, social media seems to have amplified and normalized them, according to Anastasia Berg, whose recent book “What Are Children For?” (written with Rachel Wiseman) explores modern ambivalence about child-rearing.
“You also have precisely these kinds of discourses that were limited previously to something like a subreddit, to certain communities that define themselves through (childless) identities, but they weren’t sharing them with the broader world,” she says. “You have those opinions being expressed more comfortably and publicly now than before.”
In Berg's opinion, "anti-children" posts that spark heated debates on various platforms are not particularly serious. The people behind them are not part of a coordinated movement or actively working to keep children out of public spaces. Instead, Berg views online disdain for kids partly as a response to rhetoric from political and religious conservatives, who have long criticized city-dwelling progressives and liberals for not having children (ducking JD Vance's derogatory comments about "childless cat ladies," as well as "tradwife" content promoting domesticity and traditional gender roles for women flooding social media feeds, and even Pope Francis chastising people who prioritize pets over children).
According to Berg, expressing negative perceptions about children and child-rearing has become a form of self-parody. The thinking behind such sentiments is: "If you, the right, view us, the left, as child-hating, intolerant, and cat-obsessed childless women, then we will double down."
The absence of compassion some young individuals exhibit towards children is often influenced by their living circumstances and lifestyle choices, asserts June Carbone, a law professor and co-author of the publication "Fair Shake: Women and the Fight to Build a Just Economy."
For years, college-educated, well-to-do adults have migrated to cities in search of better job opportunities and urban amenities: shops, eateries, and nightlife. Parents, on the other hand, typically prefer suburban living due to its affordability and spaciousness.
Consequently, this segregation of childless adults and parents leads many childless individuals to operate without significant interaction with children, Carbone explains. Simultaneously, parents might prioritize bonding with other parents, further isolating the two groups.
Carbone observes that this division is increasingly prominent on a national scale.
A generational shift in parenting norms
When certain individuals voice their disdain for children in shared spaces such as supermarkets, breweries, and restaurants, it could also reflect a conflict in parenting ideologies, suggests Yolanda Williams, a conscious parenting coach and founder of "Parenting Decolonized."
Parents who transition from rigid or authoritarian child-rearing approaches to gentler, aware parenting methods might get misjudged as being overly permissive, Williams points out. The common expectation is for parents to intervene if their child disrupts public spaces, making parents who prioritize their children's needs over adult comfort face criticism. Williams recalls being scrutinized at a grocery store years ago because of her autistic daughter's verbal "stimming."
“Many of us are still conditioned to believe children should be seen but not heard,” Williams observes. “So when you witness children who are just loud and uninhibited, it's unsettling to others.”
Lauren Kavan, a mother of a 4-year-old and a 10-month-old in Nebraska, has personally experienced this stigma. She is often subjected to judgmental glances when traveling with her children – even once while at a pool, when someone asked her to quiet her giggling daughter.
The online criticism and disapproval from other adults exhausts Kavan, she admits. When her daughter cries or throws tantrums in public, Kavan restrains her out of fear of causing a disturbance.
“It makes me feel guilty for my kids,” Kavan expresses. “I'm not allowing her to manage her emotions properly because I'll tell her to be quiet.”
The societal implications of these sentiments
At the core of this seemingly antagonistic view towards children is a collective unease in progressive circles about the role of children in our lives, according to Berg.
Many millennials and Gen Z individuals struggle with the decision to have children due to various reasons, such as financial insecurity, the impact on their careers, and concerns about the environment or societal condition, as per Berg and Wiseman's research.
While parenthood is not for everyone, and individuals should not be criticized for not wanting children, certain remarks – such as yearning for child-free spaces or boasting about life without children – can exacerbate this underlying uncertainty, Berg argues.
“This performance of, ‘I wish this party was child-free or whatever,’ intensifies the pressure on those who are uncertain about having children because it suggests that they will be at odds with the childless – as if these are mutually exclusive identities,” Berg adds.
Negativity towards children also exemplifies the American perspective on parenting, observes Jessica Calarco, a sociologist at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and author of "Holding It Together: How Women Became America’s Safety Net." In the United States, parenting is mainly viewed as an individual responsibility, whereas in countries with supportive economic and social policies, the well-being of children is considered a collective obligation.
“If you choose to have children, you should be fully responsible for meeting their needs and ensuring they don't upset others,” Calarco explains about American parenting attitudes.
When society regards children as a personal lifestyle choice rather than a prerequisite for "human sustainability," it becomes easier for people to empathize with comments about being free from the inconvenience of another person's child's tantrum, Berg suggests. This, in turn, forces already strained parents to ensure their children don't bother others further.
Conversely, individualistic attitudes may also induce parents to prioritize their children's needs above others, leading to an "ironic, self-reinforcing cycle," Calarco notes.
“The less we invest in families, the harder it gets for parents, which may compel them to bring their children to public places,” She continues. “It can also create a sense of urgency for parents to help their children excel in life.”
And so, the cycle of criticism towards children could well perpetuate itself.
In some online communities, individuals openly refer to children as "offspring beasties" and parents as "spawners," demonstrating a blatant disdain for children's presence.
Parents, especially mothers, often feel overwhelmed with the fear of being judged by others due to their child's actions in public places, leading them to constantly apologize for normal kid behaviors.
