One takes sex with on vacation
According to surveys, the potential for conflict between couples increases significantly during vacations. However, time spent together can also lead to more closeness. With a few tips, crises can be avoided - even in bed, as a psychologist knows.
Sailing along the canals of Venice in a gondola, having an evening meal in front of the Eiffel Tower in Paris, or having your own bungalow on the Maldives - romantic visions of vacations for two abound. However, reality sometimes looks different: One partner drinks too much, the other constantly dawdles or prefers to spend the time comfortably in a café instead of climbing the next mountain. And suddenly, the conversation during the shared breakfast is awkward, one partner falls silent and would prefer to spend the day alone.
This stress test is familiar to many, as a Statista survey from 2018 revealed that one third of couples had a larger fight during their vacation. Some statistics even speak of two thirds who argue more frequently on vacation than in everyday life. Yet, vacation with a partner or the family can be so relaxing that one finds the energy and strength for life at home and becomes more interested in the partner again. One survey result shows this: One in ten reported falling in love with their partner anew during the vacation. The same number reported renewed energy in their sex life.
Therefore, most people look forward to a relaxed time with their partner or spouse, but on site it can be challenging. "During vacations, there are usually fewer distractions through work, friendships, or daily chores," explains Amouk Algermissen. She is a psychologist and couples therapist with her own practice in Bonn.
The most beautiful time of the year?
By spending more time together, one focuses more on the partner - and on the things that don't fit so well. "This can bring up emotions that can lead to conflict," says the psychologist. After all, through the shared time, differences in opinions about planning and budgeting often collide. If no compromise is found, the mood sours. This shows that careful planning and open communication before and during the vacation are crucial for minimizing conflicts.
Expectations can quickly lead to tensions. Who expects the vacation to be completely relaxed from start to finish must face the bitter truth: Planning in advance can steal time, complications can occur during travel, such as traffic jams or canceled flights, and the accommodation may not be as well-equipped as expected. Experts advise discussing these issues before booking. It's important to know where the couple wants to travel, how they want to live there, how they want to spend their day, and what happens if some wishes are not fulfilled, if it rains on a city trip or if one cannot swim in the sea due to strong waves. The more concrete the plans are, the easier it is to plan and deal with unfulfilled wishes in the end. Who recognizes that expectations are not always met, releases the inner pressure.
Through vacation planning, the topic of finances comes to the forefront as well, since costs for accommodation quickly exceed the usual limits in everyday life. If expectations regarding the budget do not align, this can lead to conflicts. Couples with a shared account should make clear agreements on how much money can be spent on accommodation, food, activities, and souvenirs. It is important to allow for different leisure time preferences. While one person may prefer to spend more money on good wine, the other may prefer to buy souvenirs for home. Threats and attempts at control, on the other hand, increase aggression potential for most people.
Not Everything at Once
When someone finally finds themselves in their personal vacation paradise, they encounter conflict potential here, as there is suddenly so much time that they want to spend together. Some fill this with leisure activities, playing volleyball on the beach or hiking for several hours to a peak. Others, however, prefer to lie by the pool and do nothing.
Since relaxation works differently for everyone, it helps to acknowledge this and ask your partner how it is for them.
Planning the day together does not mean knowing what's happening from morning to evening. Some long for flexibility to take advantage of spontaneous opportunities, while others want at least a fixed breakfast or dinner time.
It is essential, according to the couples therapist, to maintain a good connection, which does not mean that one has to spend every minute together. Many couples underestimate that vacation can also be very tiring because one cannot easily escape from the other. It is completely normal to spend some time alone with one's thoughts - after all, vacation also offers time to reflect on everyday life or think about the future. Consciously spending time apart can be beneficial for the mood and does not mean that a couple is not functioning - quite the opposite. Someone who spends a few hours alone at an activity will be happy to sit together at dinner with their loved one again. And someone who talks to strangers at the pool enjoys the familiarity with the better half even more.
Togetherness Creates Desire
However, togetherness does not mean that it immediately continues in the bed - even if some partners hope for this when the obligations and monotonous routines of everyday life suddenly disappear. For some, this relaxation leads to more desire, while others feel the expectations placed on them. "Expectations can also be a form of pressure that reduces desire," explains the couples therapist. "When one realizes that the other expects everything to be different now, it can lead to a defiant reaction and inner resistance."
Contrary to the assumption that more time together means more pleasure, Algermissen recommends focusing on emotional closeness instead. "If this is not built, even with more time and relaxation available, it can lead to someone shutting down," says Algermissen. Besides emotional closeness and relaxation time, there are other factors that couples should consider. "The things that hinder pleasure and passion are very individual. Anyone who wants to have a fulfilling sex life should ask themselves which factors contribute to it and which hinder it," says Algermissen.
On vacation, however, if couples have more sex because the daily routine falls away, they can try applying this knowledge to their daily lives. For example, in daily life, Algermissen recommends completing all tasks for the day so that there is nothing left to stress about and the mind is free for relaxation. Couples could also set aside specific times of the day or week for themselves and should not plan every minute. "Of course, this will not have the same effect to 100 percent as on vacation. However, many things can also be transferred to everyday life if one deals with it," says Algermissen.
Moreover, vacations offer couples the opportunity to become aware of their differences and confront conflicts - this can also be applied to daily life. Even if couples fly home together, despite the fact that the time did not run as harmoniously as hoped, they know that this experience did not destroy the relationship.
During international vacations, the lack of usual distractions from work and daily chores can lead to increased focus on each other, potentially leading to conflicts due to differing opinions or expectations. Intimacy and sexual satisfaction during vacations can also be impacted by expectations, and open communication is crucial to mitigate these issues.
Couples, particularly those going on an international vacation, should consider discussing their expectations and preferences for activities, budget, and relaxation time beforehand to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts. Planning and flexibility are key, as well as acknowledging individual differences in desire for relaxation and leisure activities.
