Navigating parenthood is no easy feat and can be quite bothersome, according to Dr. Becky Kennedy. She provides 5 useful strategies to help you manage.
Editor's Note: The podcast "Chasing Life With Dr. Sanjay Gupta" delves into the medical scientific explanations behind the various aspects of life, both big and small. You can listen to the episodes here.
(CNN) — Many parents today, when asked, will confess that raising children is stressful. It's due to a lack of time, money, sleep, and adequate childcare, among other things. The pressures of social media, unexpected illnesses, and family dramas only add to the strain.
In a recent advisory, US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy recognized that this parental stress is a public health issue. Dr. Murthy stated that prolonged or severe stress can have detrimental effects on parents, with 41% of parents admitting that most days they can't function due to stress and 48% claiming their stress is overwhelming compared to other adults.
The consequences of this parental stress aren't just felt by the parents but extend to their children.
However, life doesn't always have to be this stressful, according to Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist specializing in parenting. She gained popularity during the pandemic.
"There's this sense of pride in saying, 'I'm such a mess. I'm taking care of my kids and running myself into the ground,'" she told CNN Chief Medical Correspondent Dr. Sanjay Gupta on his podcast, "Chasing Life".
Dr. Kennedy, known as Dr. Becky on social media, is the author of "Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be" and cofounded a company and developed an app by the same name.
Dr. Kennedy suggests that parents should put their own oxygen masks on first, just like on a plane. They should take care of their needs before attending to their children's needs.
Listen to the full podcast episode here.
Dr. Kennedy believes that modern life, with its technology and reliance on instant rewards, has rewired people to expect rapid gratification without putting in much effort.
"You can do very little; you can put your thumbs on an iPad and all of a sudden, it's like the dopamine and the excitement and the gratification is there," she said. "Whereas, in most things in life, whether you're talking about being in a relationship, parenting, learning math, you have to put high effort into it for delayed, very delayed, gratification."
But we're building brain circuitry for low-effort, instant gratification instead, she argued. "That's like pretty counter to what actually helps people operate in the world."
Having children is "massively inconvenient," Kennedy noted, but people expect smooth sailing in the parenting department due to technology's instantaneous conveniences. And this expectation influences our perceptions.
"I am less tolerant of the inherent distress that comes with raising kids because my circuitry has changed," she said. "Then my experience of how hard these moments are is actually seeing those moments as harder, based on the convenience that's built into every other moment of my life."
Dr. Kennedy offers five tips to reset expectations, reduce your stress levels, and improve those of your children:
1. Swap selflessness for strong leadership
Doing everything to please everyone is not healthy.
"Kids don't need selfless martyrs; kids need sturdy leaders," Kennedy said in an email. "And taking care of your own needs is a key part of avoiding parental burnout."
Setting boundaries is essential. "A boundary might mean saying, 'I'm not available right now, I'm sitting down and drinking my coffee' or 'I'm taking a walk by myself. I'll be back in 20 minutes. I love you,'" she said.
Kennedy warned that your kids might protest, but it's okay. "And that's OK. You can validate their feelings while still holding your boundary," she said. "This is what sturdy parenting is all about."
2. Give yourself self-compassion
Treat yourself like you would treat anyone with a challenging job.
"Here's a promise: self-compassion isn't dangerous, so try it out today. This parenting gig is hard, and too often, we forget to notice and honor all we are managing," Kennedy said. "Feel free to use my go-to mantra: 'Parenting feels hard because it is hard.' Place your hand on your heart and repeat these words until your body softens a bit."
3. Make repairs instead of seeking perfection
When you make a parenting mistake, such as losing your temper or failing to meet a promise, make amends.
"There's no such thing as a perfect parent," Kennedy said. "We all have moments we wish we could take back. So, remind yourself that kids don't need perfect parents; kids need parents who repair."
If this situation is new for you, Kennedy provides a suggestion to assist you: "I apologize for my outburst earlier. That must've been scary for you. I'm making an effort to stay composed even when I'm upset. I care about you deeply."
Open up about your feelings
You don't have to tackle this alone.
According to Kennedy, "Emotions themselves don't cause problems, it's feeling isolated in your emotions that does." So, reach out to a friend, join a parenting group, or find a non-judgmental online community and let them know how things have been for you."
If you're unsure where to start, Kennedy suggests statements like "This parenting stage is hard" or "I want to be honest, I'm feeling overwhelmed and exhausted."
You might be amazed at how many others can relate, making you feel less alone.
Look for support
Not only will sharing your feelings with others help you feel less isolated, it may also help you discover new solutions.
Kennedy states, "Parenting is the toughest and most significant job in the world, yet we receive no training, resources, or support. The system is truly stacked against us! Seeking support is not a sign that something's wrong with you or your child - it's a sign that you're prioritizing your and your child's mental health. And that's something to be proud of."
Support can come from numerous sources, such as a therapist, a pediatrician, a trusted friend, a parenting group, an online community, a podcast, a TED Talk, or even a self-help book.
We hope these five tips provide you with some relief. Listen to the entire episode here. Join us next week on the Chasing Life podcast as we talk to an expert about how microplastics could be impacting our bodies and health.
CNN Audio's Grace Walker contributed to this report.
Based on the provided text, here are two sentences that contain the words 'wellness' and 'health':
- Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist specializing in parenting, suggests that parents should prioritize their own wellness and health, just like putting on their own oxygen masks first on a plane, to effectively attend to their children's needs.
- In her book "Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be", Dr. Kennedy emphasizes the importance of maintaining personal health and wellness, believing that it is essential for reducing parental stress and improving both parents and children's overall well-being.
