More sex thanks to new wall paint
By way of introduction: This is a column. It is not an objective factual report, nor is it a comment. It is not news. Well, more or less, but subjectively. And some things I write here are true, some are not. Or maybe they are, but have nothing to do with me personally. I'm not attacking anyone, I'm not usually insulting people, I'm not telling anyone what to do. I'm just writing this here because some people seem to think they can do the opposite: attack, insult, make rules.
In a column, things work like this: As a columnist, you take a stance, or even two or three, you could understand such a text as a "stimulus" as a reader. As a columnist, you could also be very commenting. You could even try to convince others of your opinion. You could be a paid smart aleck. You could. But I don't do that.
I just spread a few thoughts under the title "column" and you can read them, but you don't have to. You can like them, but you don't have to. If you don't like them, that doesn't mean you should put me down, defame me, or insult me. Whether you like my qualifications, views, writing - it's a matter of taste. Go to Iran if you want a unified opinion. Read something else if you don't like it. I'm here at ntv.de, not at Fox News, I can write about what I want, as long as I don't hurt anyone or lie.
And that's why I'm coming to the headline: I can also write about how the wall color in the bedroom relates to more or less, better or worse sex, without having studied color theory. In fact, I can write about many topics because I write a column. And that's why I can also write about electric cars, I have to make that loop again. And not a test drive, not a comparison ("Would you prefer Audi or Tesla or something cheap from China?"), but I write about experiences. About thoughts. About things I've heard. You really don't have to read it. You can. It's an offer.
About the wall color and sex, I'll get to that later, I promise, first of all, in my own words: My last column was about traveling with an electric car. Nothing more, nothing less. I describe why I - to put it mildly - don't find it that great. For reasons. You can read that again if you haven't read the text (no news, no comment, no semblance of objectivity, as it - let's say it together - is a column: subjective, I-centered, not bound by objectivity, with a wink) yet.
"I write to your station ..."
Remember to be fair when commenting, Instagram often reminds its self-promoters to do so, it recently reminded me when I wrote a birthday greeting for a friend. Did Insta do the same for Steffen, Tom, Claus, and Olli? Those self-proclaimed know-it-alls thought they could vomit in my public account as they pleased. They think they can attack me, even threaten me, "write to the station". Oh my, to complain? To ask for my dismissal?
I have not personally attacked these "men", but they seem to think they can do so from their partially private Instagram accounts. This type of post is just a form of penis enlargement, a friend assured me, as the Steffens, Clausis, Toms, and Ollis can like each other's comments, which they leave under my post as "intellectual ejaculations". That's pathetic, of course, but I wanted to say it at least once how I feel about it. Pathetic.
I quote (have taken the liberty not to correct the spelling errors): "I hope this is meant to be funny, because it is unfortunately completely off reality", writes clausxy. christianxy goes straight to the point: "Bullshit" and " intellectual thin soup" he writes, not without noting that he could express himself more eloquently. Friendly would be completely sufficient for me. But christianxy, please, I'm looking forward to your eloquence. Another one pulls the age card and simply thinks I'm "too old" to "use modern things". So mean, always this age discrimination. As if young people could afford an electric car. The frankxy, as mentioned, has already announced that he will write to my employer because this article has no substance, only emotions. As if emotions had no substance. Also, the readers tomxy and joxy act as if I tried to apply to "Auto Bild" under false pretenses, but that is not the case. I just drive a car, I don't build or repair it.
The joxy accuses me of half-truths and lies and that I am harming the German automotive industry. He emphasizes that he finds charging stations for his Tesla everywhere he goes in Europe. Congratulations, I say, but I would like to point out that Tesla is a publicly traded American car manufacturer with its headquarters in Austin, Texas (USA!). I, on the other hand, am driving a truly German car, despite the obstacles I perceive. I am therefore not harming the German automotive industry.
The orders for electric cars are decreasing, and that is not because of "writers" like me who are criticizing this sophisticated technology, but because there are not yet mature products and ideas on the market. I can only explain this by saying that this "E" is a test phase and that we are right in the middle of it. Because I would be happy to drive around in electric cars, but have I already reported on my discomfort with autonomous driving? Sorry if another entire industry branch dies now because I, as a writer, doubt that this is a great idea, but I digress.
Finally, sex
So, this is really true, because I copied it from somewhere else and I'm not just claiming it: 1. Red walls do not necessarily boost your mattress sports. 2. White or black walls are rather counterproductive. 3. Yellow and orange textured paint, like in your last holiday home on Usedom, didn't do it either, did they? You'll never guess! Turquoise? Yes, it gets warmer. If you want a solid seven hours of deep sleep, then blue and green really help. These colors are calming. But sex? No luck.
I don't want to keep you in suspense any longer: The color that stimulates your appetite for the exchange of bodily fluids is the color caramel. You wouldn't have guessed that, would you? And the best part is: It quickly turns into "salty caramel"...
So, I must go, to the hardware store. Wish you a sexy weekend. And for those who want to write to me: First, shift into sixth gear, then check: "Is it really necessary to write to Frau Oelmann now, when I'm feeling so negative?" and then just take it easy and breathe through your pants! Easy peasy.
PS: I'd like to express my thanks to my three readers who have sent me positive emails or messages on all channels. I haven't even mentioned or finished reading the meanest ones, my vacation is too precious for that.
In my previous column, I discuss my experiences with traveling using an electric car, expressing my less-than-enthusiastic views on the vehicle. Despite this, I can also write about electric cars in the future, shifting focus to thoughts and experiences rather than comparisons or test drives.
Just as I have the flexibility to write about various topics in my column, electric cars are becoming a more common topic in the automotive industry, with charging stations becoming more accessible in Europe for electric vehicle owners.
