World Aids Day - Living with HIV: "Above all, I was afraid of the fear of others"
"I have been living with HIV for 30 years. When I found out that I was positive, I was initially very insecure. Above all, I was afraid of the fear of others when they found out. Unfortunately, the stigmatization is as great today as it was then. Today I can lead a normal life thanks to the medication, but it has been a long and rocky road to get here.
I am very grateful to be lucky enough to live in a country like Germany. In many countries around the world, HIV medication is not yet available. That is also the reason, for example, why the virus is still spreading so strongly in Africa. Because, what many people don't know: The medication reduces the viral load in the body to such an extent that you are no longer infectious. This is precisely why I want to talk about it publicly.
Discrimination without reason
I am now 63 years old and have already had to go through a lot due to the infection, I have seen many other people break down because not everyone can muster the strength to be constantly confronted with the stigmatization that HIV-infected people still face. Even doctors sometimes refuse treatment because they are afraid or not sufficiently informed. I have lost many friends because they couldn't cope with it. There is actually no logical reason for the discrimination. It's just the image that still seems to be in the minds of many people from the 80s.
Back then, there were already two groups of infected people: gays and those who became infected when donating blood. Women with HIV were virtually absent from public perception. And even today we are perceived as a minority, although there are many of us. HIV is not an issue for gay men, but one that takes place in the middle of society. That's exactly where we are. We lead a family life, work normally and have an almost normal life expectancy. I'm very grateful for that, because it wasn't foreseeable at the beginning.
'Welcome to the club'
I was infected by my boyfriend at the time. He had been ill for some time at the time and was getting thinner and weaker, but nobody really knew what he had. When he was diagnosed, it was already Aids - and he died a few weeks later. And then I stood there and didn't know what to do with myself at first. I then also took an HIV test, at that time you still had to wait two weeks for the result - that was a terrible time. When I went back to the doctor, he just said dryly: 'Welcome to the club'.
I went into hiding for a while because I knew that HIV-positive people were subject to a lot of discrimination, and I was afraid of that. I even moved to Spain in the meantime to get some distance. In the end, I ran away from myself for quite a while. I still felt the stigmatization again and again. There was even a time when I no longer wanted to live. Today I can say: luckily I didn't succeed in my suicide attempt back then.
Losing yourself and finding yourself again
I only really found myself again in 2004, when I was in a rehab clinic with other HIV patients. I had a good psychologist there with whom I took my whole world apart and put it back together again. I also realized there that it helps to deal openly with the infection. So I then registered with the Hamburg AIDS service organization. Since then, I've been volunteering for the organization and trying to raise awareness about the virus.
In particular, many people are simply not aware of the fact that infected people who are being treated with medication are often no longer contagious. Theoretically, sex without a condom is even possible without risk. But if you had told me that in the 90s, I probably wouldn't have believed it either. After the diagnosis, I saw my life pass me by and just lived from one day to the next.
Back then, they said you could live for five to seven years after the infection. So I thought my future had been taken away from me. And then at some point I was told that I could go on living because there was medication. Apart from the fact that I have to go to the doctor every three months for blood tests, I've been living a real life again since then.
What really counts in life
Sex no longer plays a major role in my life, but I have always openly told the sexual partners I have had since then about HIV. There were some who then said goodbye, others were more open - and more enlightened. Some would even have slept with me without a condom, but I was always the one who had a problem with it. Nothing can actually happen, but I've simply become more careful.
The virus has changed a lot in my life in other ways too. Sometimes I'm even a little grateful to be able to look at life from this perspective. I used to be a very materialistic person. Today, the moments with the people who are important to me mean more to me than anything else. In general, my view of people and our interactions has completely changed.
I am much more aware of the positive things in life and am much more tolerant and open to people who seem 'different' at first glance. I used to not know why I was in the world and what my job was. Today I know - I have a message that I should carry out into the world. To give other people who share my fate a better and more equal life."
Why is there a vaccine against Covid but not against HIV? Do you have any questions about current topics for the editorial team? Write to [email protected]
Lesen Sie auch:
- Despite advances in treatment options, HIV medication is not widely available in many countries, particularly in Africa, contributing to the ongoing spread of the virus.
- Initially, women with HIV were virtually absent from public perception, but they are now a prominent part of the HIV community, leading normal lives and raising awareness about the virus.
- The stigma surrounding HIV still exists, affecting people's access to treatment options and health services, and even causing discrimination from some medical professionals, despite advancements in medication and treatment options.
Source: www.stern.de
