Jealousy Can Be Controlled
Jealousy is a warning sign that something is not right in the relationship. Recognizing this can help you work on and even strengthen your partnership. It all depends on how you handle the uncomfortable feeling.
It doesn't feel good and is often seen negatively in society: jealousy. However, this feeling is not as bad as its reputation suggests. Jealousy can serve as a warning signal for relationship problems. Learning to interpret it correctly can even strengthen your partnership. "In this sense, the milder form of jealousy has a positive side," says Berlin psychotherapist and author Wolfgang Krüger.
But what is jealousy? For example, a woman goes to a party with her partner and engages in lively conversation with another man. She flirts with him. The partner notices this - and jealousy sets in. "In such a case, jealousy can be a warning sign that something is not right in the relationship," says Krüger. Ideally, the man talks to his partner about the situation, expresses his feelings, and works together with her to improve the relationship.
"There is jealousy on the level of normal fear of losing a loved one," says Fiona Waltraud Berle, a Munich and Stuttgart-based life coach for personality development. Another example, admittedly with cliché potential, but fitting the topic: A man comes home and his wife notices lipstick stains on his collar. "If she now reacts jealously, that's completely normal," says Berle.
However, delusional jealousy is truly destructive. This is the case when someone constantly controls the other, fears for the relationship, and can no longer work sovereignly to improve it. "Ultimately, delusional jealousy is a personality disorder that can make the other person very nervous," says Berle.
Old bonding experiences
But where does this feeling come from? On the one hand, it comes from childhood, just like many others. "Someone felt neglected and had to experience instability in relationships," says Krüger.
On the other hand, jealousy is also related to the present. Massive jealousy can also be due to a lower self-esteem, dependence on the partner, and a lower ability to realize one's own life projects. "One is essentially too focused on the partner in all areas and loses one's own center in life," says Krüger.
But it doesn't have to stay that way. With these five tips, you can get your jealousy under control and strengthen your partnership.
Turn to yourself "One should first embark on a process of self-recognition," advises Berle. Simply analyze the situation that caused the jealousy. Both partners can ask themselves: What is actually missing in my relationship? The jealous partner explores what specifically makes them jealous. Is it that the man your partner is talking to is so smart, like you'd like to be? As in other life situations, it's always helpful to consciously accept yourself as you are.
Talk openly and honestly Of course, clear words are important. "So don't just ignore the lipstick on your partner's collar, but ask them openly: Why are you cheating, what's missing?" says Berle. If the positions are clear, you can work together on the relationship.
"However, little can be done on the relationship level with delusional jealousy," says Berle. In this case, the reality of the partner is so distorted that the problem can only be addressed with psychological treatment.
Becoming More Self-ConfidentSituational feelings of jealousy can be overcome by becoming more self-confident. Krüger advises: "This can be achieved by writing down each evening what you've done well." This way, you pay more attention to your positive qualities and strengthen your self-confidence.
Maintaining Independent FriendshipsIt's important not to become too dependent on your partner and not to focus your life entirely on them. "It's beneficial to have more independent friendships to strengthen your self-worth," says Krüger.
Pursuing Personal ProjectsIt's also crucial for self-worth to have your own friendships and pursue personal projects, independent of your partner. Why not learn to play the piano as an adult if you're interested?
In general, small things in a relationship also help, like walking hand in hand, treating each other with respect, and always giving your loved one a little boost of trust that they mean well.
The partnership between the two individuals might benefit from addressing the underlying issues that trigger jealousy, as discussed by Berlin psychotherapist Wolfgang Krüger. By engaging in open and honest communication about their feelings and working together to improve the relationship, the partners can potentially transform even mild forms of jealousy into a strengthening force.
On the other hand, delusional jealousy, which is marked by constant control, fear, and an inability to improve the relationship independently, can be a symptom of a deeper personality disorder. In such cases, professional psychological treatment may be necessary to address the root cause of the destructive jealousy.
