Increasingly, traditionally paired individuals are using the term "partner" to refer to one another. Let me delve into the reasons.
Within a year of dating, 31-year-old Siara Rouzer reached a significant relationship milestone. The man she was seeing was no longer simply her boyfriend but her companion, or as they saw it, her partner. Rouzer explained that the title change signified more than just semantics for them; it symbolized their equal dedication to building a life together.
In the LGBTQIA+ community, the term 'partner' is commonly used to describe relationships with others. While heterosexual couples in the UK and other locations have been using it for years, researchers have observed a growing trend among long-term heterosexual couples in the US adopting this gender-neutral term as well.
As Dr. Patricia S. Dixon, a psychologist and professor at National Louis University in Florida, stated, "I rarely hear someone say, 'This is my husband or my wife or my girlfriend,' it's already becoming more normalized to say partner." Millennials and Generation Z on social media use it as a means of supporting inclusivity and normalizing the increasing number of non-traditional relationships.
This language shift mirrors the younger generation's movement away from traditional relationship structures. They are more inclined to explore gender-fluid, non-monogamous relationships and those where marriage is not the ultimate objective.
Like many couples, Rouzer found the term 'boyfriend' insufficient to describe her close companion. "My person was 30, and he isn’t a boy. Boyfriend started to feel weird. This is a grown man who's paying taxes," she said.
The term 'boyfriend' suggests several things about your relationship, explained Leah Carey, a sex and relationship coach and podcast host of “Good Girls Talk About Sex.” It implies that your relationship is still in the early stages of getting to know someone and assessing their compatibility.
For Carey, who has been with her 'boyfriend' for ten years, the term no longer felt suitable for a long-term partner. "Boyfriend gives a sense of it being short-term and still trying to figure things out. I've been with my ‘boyfriend’ for 10 years, and it no longer felt like that's a solid enough term for a person who is a long-term partner," she said.
Referring to someone as your partner implies an alternative to marriage while maintaining the same level of commitment to sharing a life together, said Domenique Harrison, a marriage and family therapist in California. The term carries more weight as the dynamics of the relationship shift from dating to something deeper, she explained.
Carrying the boyfriend/girlfriend label suggests the objective of getting married, Carey explained. She referred to the "relationship escalator" concept, where couples are expected to go through several stages in a romantic relationship. Boyfriend and girlfriend are the first steps on the relationship escalator, and eventually, they progress to fiance and spouse. The term 'partner,' therefore, would not apply to unmarried couples who mutually decide to live together long-term and step off the relationship escalator.
The 2018 United States Census reported that young adults cohabitating with an unmarried partner increased, while marriage rates decreased. About 15% of adults between the ages of 25 and 34 cohabitated with an unmarried partner—a 12% increase from ten years earlier.
"More people are realizing they can have a fulfilling, meaningful lifetime partnership with a person that does not need to include a marriage, house, or kids," Carey said.
"A lot of people use partners now because it's an opportunity for us to equalize that any type of partnership has value," Harrison said. "The world has always put more stake in the transition from boyfriend to husband, but you can have worth in a partnership whether it's one or 20 years."
For Rouzer, the term 'partner' was appropriate in her relationship because it signified that they were equal teammates navigating the ups and downs of life together despite choosing not to marry. For example, when Rouzer needed to move across the country for her postdoctoral research a few years ago, it was an easy decision for her partner to join her. "It's an insane choice to move for love, but he moved with me, and I was very happy," she said.
The term 'partner' became popular in the LGBTQIA+ community to denote a serious, committed relationship, said Harrison. With increasing discrimination due to the AIDS epidemic and the lack of marriage equality in the past, people used the term 'partners' to protect their status while still honoring their relationship. By normalizing the use of 'partner,' Harrison said, heterosexual couples are actively supporting LGBTQIA+ relationships.
The designation also supports your partner's gender identity if they are not heterosexual despite being in a straight-identifying relationship. People who are bisexual often face challenges in relationships due to misconceptions about their sexuality, said Carey. By using the term 'partner,' they are not being locked into a particular gender attraction.
However, the term 'partner' is not perfect for every relationship. Finding an appropriate term for someone who is more than a boyfriend/girlfriend but not a legal spouse can be challenging. Calling someone your lover is too intimate, while terms like "domestic partner" or "significant other" may sound overly formal. Even the term 'partner' could be ambiguous, as people might not be sure if you are referring to a life or business partner.
For Rouzer, 'partner' is the most suitable label for her nine-year relationship. It's a term mutually agreed upon in their relationship, and while some people may still raise an eyebrow, the term is more widely accepted than it was in the past.
"Everyone in my circle, even the one I specifically refer to with such terms, is perfectly fine with my choice of language. Isn't that the crucial aspect?"
Rouzer mentioned that she found the term 'boyfriend' insufficient due to its implications of early stages and short-term nature, preferring the term 'partner' to reflect their equal dedication and commitment. In the LGBTQIA+ community, the term 'partner' has been used for decades to denote serious, committed relationships, which can also help support partners with non-heterosexual identities.
