How parents help depressed children
Children's depression is not uncommon. But until a therapy place becomes available, it can take a long time. However, parents don't have to be helpless observers as their children suffer.
If a child is suffering from depression, they need professional help. But until a therapy place becomes available, a lot of time often passes. So how can parents support their child during the difficult phase from diagnosis to therapy beginning? Recommendations from a psychotherapist and a social pedagogue.
"Parents should take the emotional burden of their children seriously," says Dana Mundt. The social pedagogue coordinates the consultation offers for parents and adolescents at the Federal Conference for Educational Advice. It is important to listen actively without passing judgment. "That's not easy. But it's more helpful for the children than if one tells them 'That will pass.'"
A depression is a serious illness, not a passing mood swing. Only doctors can make the diagnosis, and a doctor's visit should not be delayed unnecessarily. Parents should pay attention if suicidal thoughts are expressed and offer to go with the adolescent to a child and adolescent psychiatrist.
The child and adolescent psychotherapist Anja Lorenz reports that her young patients often feel ashamed of being depressed. Many carry the bad feelings, even the desire to live, for a long time. "It's a great relief for them when they can talk openly about it," she says.
Parents cannot replace the conversation with a psychotherapist, but they can ask more precisely. Lorenz observes that parents often shy away from dark thoughts in their children, such as suicide. She recommends asking: "How is that now with your suicidal thoughts? When did they start?" This should be a topic of conversation in the family.
Independent of the severity, parents can find out why their child is sad, withdraws, and no longer wants to play with others. Possible causes can be bullying or a school change. "Parents should not immediately fall into activism and make decisions for the child," advises social pedagogue Mundt. It's better to first talk to the child about what might help. For example, with questions like: "What helped you before when things were bad for you?"
If the child doesn't want to talk, parents should accept that. At the same time, they should signal that they are available for conversation: "I'm here for you and I'll listen. But don't put too much pressure on yourself." In difficult situations, it can sometimes help to write a letter under the door, she says. The main thing is to stay in contact.
However, not all children open up to their parents. "Many depressed children and adolescents lack the emotional contact to their parents," says Anja Lorenz. Sometimes a relative, an uncle or aunt, or the family friend can gain access to the child. Alternatively, a teacher or the school social pedagogue. What's important is to act together with the child, not alone. For children and adolescents, it's a big step to trust a professional in kindergarten or school.
Children should hold on to familiar structures in their daily routine, advises Dana Mundt. "Sports are important here, but also healthy meals and sufficient sleep." A regular daily schedule provides children with stability and orientation. Routines create a feeling of security and can help alleviate symptoms of depression. She recommends assigning a regular task to the child, such as taking care of the dog and going for a walk with it.
Movement has a positive effect on mood. Whether it's going for walks, riding bikes, or simply playing outside: What's important is that no additional pressure is created. Even a simple outing to the ice cream parlor can help, says the social pedagogue. "During shared, pleasant activities, many children find it easier to talk about themselves and their feelings," she says. If the child still refuses everything, one can arrange something for the next day.
Moreover, it's good to plan time for relaxation in daily life. "Meditation exercises and yoga are also suitable for children and adolescents and can be relaxing," she says. Parents can learn and apply these techniques together with their children.
Social Contacts are Important
Even if a child shows little interest in social activities, social contacts with peers are important. Shared activities with friends and relatives can provide distraction and create positive experiences. Adolescents can participate in conversation circles at family counseling centers. There, they meet peers and experience that they are not alone with their problems. Another opportunity for exchange is the online youth counseling of the Federal Conference for Educational Advice.
"Parents should accompany their children sensitively," says Mundt. "But they can also seek support." Local self-help groups and counseling centers often offer short-term help and relief. Their association offers a free online parent counseling in the network. Anja Lorenz recommends an unbinding consultation at the youth welfare office if there is no family counseling center on site.
A conversation with the children's doctor can also be helpful in planning further steps and finding support. While waiting for a therapy place, parents can also make use of the telephone counseling of psychotherapists. "They give tips on where there are approaches in the region. And one can register on waiting lists for a therapy place," so Lorenz. There are telephone consultation hours.
Another tip is a call to the Kassenärztliche Vereinigung (number 116 117). They arrange first consultations with psychotherapists. For severe cases, such as children with suicidal thoughts, there are emergency clinics.
A child and youth helpline (nummer-gegen-kummer.de) is reachable from Monday to Friday between 3 and 7 pm: Telephone number 0800 - 111 0 333 or 116 111. For parents, the "Nummer gegen Kummer e.V" has set up a nationwide telephone counseling, consultation and information offer: 0800 - 1 111 0 550.
And: The majority of affected children recover, according to information from neurologists and psychiatrists in the network, after appropriate treatment - even faster than depressed adults.
Parents can actively support their child during this difficult phase by seeking advice from local self-help groups and counseling centers, which often offer short-term help and relief. While waiting for a therapy place, parents can also make use of the telephone counseling of psychotherapists, who can provide tips on available approaches in the region and help with registering on waiting lists. Additionally, parents can contact the Kassenärztliche Vereinigung (number 116 117) to arrange first consultations with psychotherapists for severe cases.
