Exploring the extent of parental wisdom gain from playing Dungeons & Dragons, according to this father.
In the future, when a global crisis struck, I took up teaching my son and 16 other neighborhood children in Kansas City, Missouri, the tabletop game that pioneer Gary Gygax conjured up in his basement in 1974. I served as their dungeon master, scripting and directing the narrative in this imaginary universe.
To fill time during the Covid-19 predicament, I employed Dungeons & Dragons. It proved to be my most effective method of engagement as a father, with moral debates flourishing throughout lengthy engagements typically found in the game: Should the players interact with the tavern keeper, or instead, opt for plundering his business? Would the youngsters follow the path of murder hobos, a term denoting those who relentlessly pursue and annihilate other characters?
Shelly Mazzanoble, author of the forthcoming book "How to Dungeon Master Parenting: Brewing a Parenting Quest, Sharpening Your Skills, and Nurturing Future Explorers," released on November 12, wasn't surprised by Dungeons & Dragons aiding me in my parenting endeavors. She cites DMs as embodying some of the finest qualities humans can offer: generosity, benevolence, cooperation, and a fashion sense that's envious.
To celebrate the 50th anniversary of Dungeons & Dragons, I spoke with Mazzanoble to acquire insights on how parents could glean lessons from the game and apply them in their parenting practices.
This interview has been slightly edited and condensed for greater clarity.
CNN: How near are the roles of the dungeon master and parent?
Shelly Mazzanoble: D&D is a shared narrative, and the role of the dungeon master is to initiate this journey into the uncharted. I don't possess a crystal ball, but I see to it that everyone remains safe, entertained, and challenged—not overwhelmed. The unpredictability that excites dungeon masters scares parents, but you just keep powering through.
During the time when my son was around 5 or 6, I contemplated inheriting those same qualities as a parent. I was convinced I'd parent more successfully if I could replicate the generosity, thoughtfulness, and collaboration witnessed in D&D. Then it struck me: If parenting could be approached like a game of D&D, why couldn't it be a collective storytelling experience?
CNN: Where should a parent start?
Mazzanoble: Perform session zero—the initial get-together between the party and the dungeon master—where you discuss the type of characters each member wants to portray.
Session zero for parents is identical. You gather your parental support system to embark on the journey together. You discuss your common objectives, your dreams for raising this child, and your disciplinary methods. Numerous parents admit to never having conversed about aspects like pacifier usage or disciplinary methods. What tactics will you employ for time-outs and punishments?
CNN: You say that everyone requires being a selfless collaborator. What do you mean?
Mazzanoble: The essence of cooperation entails working alongside others. If I'm not a rogue—a character class in D&D recognized for their cunning and bag of tricks—I won't try to pick that lock, but I could back up the rogue by watching over them or distracting a guard with a dazzling magic trick. They'll support me when it's my turn to cast fireballs by acting as a shield and redirecting the blast.
Replicate this scenario within your familial structure. Include your children in decision-making and encourage their autonomy as they develop.
CNN: Parenting can often feel isolating. How can you locate your fellow adventurers for the journey?
Mazzanoble: Identifying your parenting tribe is essential. These are individuals who share your parenting struggle and won't judge you for delayed responses to messages. You can form bonds with them and even participate in activities with their children. They understand your plight.
Reach out to your local hospital for referrals to meetups and support groups; examine early childhood intervention programs or connect with new parent support groups within your city. Create and build upon a network of supportive parents.
CNN: New parents often judge themselves too harshly. How can we rally to continue parenting day by day?
Mazzanoble: Embrace failure as an opportunity to forge a new narrative. Eradicate the stigma of failing and view it as a chance to learn and evolve. I fail many times daily with my child, but is it truly a failure or am I simply partaking in the learning process? Now, it's simply a compelling chapter in my parenting backstory.
CNN: What is sandbox framing, and how does it apply to both Dungeons & Dragons and parenting?
Mazzanoble: It's the concept that there's intrinsic chaos but also a fragile sense of control in that chaos. It's a landscape you construct as you inhabit it.
Navigating the sandbox as a parent requires a team that places an assortment of toys in the sandbox, then observes and encourages your child's interactions with them. You're here to epitomize their adventure.
same goes for raising children. You've crafted this realm, a secure zone for your kid to roam and discover. Every toy within the playpen has your seal of approval. It's risk-free. You just observe and get a sense of where this odyssey is carrying them.
You act as the playpen's guardian. You're there to introduce new elements or take old ones away — to ensure they're having a good time and learning at the same time. They learn to assert control over their life, a trait that's definitely an acquired habit and talent we should cultivate as parents.
CNN: Upcoming generations will encounter challenges their parents never knew. Can pretend play aid in teaching them the required skills?
Mazzanoble: Regardless of being engaged in D&D or not, we play-act routinely. This is how I teach my kid empathy. I prompt him, "What would you do in this situation? What if you're a student in class and you've got few buddies?" My kid replies, "It's painful. I detest this sensation." Consequently, the following day he might approach a fellow student and ask if they'd like to share lunch together.
Role-playing through D&D works because he experiences the repercussions of his choices. It's all about actions and consequences. You equip your kids to witness their impact on the world and how their choices influence other people and future outcomes.
Shannon Carpenter is a writer, author of the book “The Ultimate Stay-at-Home Dad” and family man of three children.
In light of the emphasized importance of generosity, benevolence, cooperation, and personal style in Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to incorporate these qualities into my parenting style. Thus, I endeavored to foster a sense of 'health' and 'wellness' in my children, encouraging collaborative decision-making and autonomy as they grown.
Since the role of a dungeon master in D&D is to guide and facilitate an engaging and challenging experience for players, I saw an opportunity to apply 'wellness' principles in my parenting approach, ensuring my children were safe, entertained, and continuously learning from their experiences.
