Emil was 16 when he died - his family talks about his suicide to help others

Suicide prevention - Emil was 16 when he died - his family talks about his suicide to help others

"If we had known then what we know now, things might have turned out differently," says Alix Puhl. Back then - that is the period before Emil's death. In the coronavirus summer of 2020, one of the Frankfurt family's four children took his own life at the age of 16. "To spare others what Emil had to suffer", the Puhls are going public. They want to help ensure that mental illnesses are recognized earlier.

Emil was special, says his mother in the kitchen, where there are only five instead of six chairs around the large dining table. Emil had a form of autism that is common in gifted children and ultimately suffered from severe depression - neither of which his parents were aware of for a long time. The young adult novel "Alle Farben grau" (Fischer Verlag) by Martin Schäuble attempts to put itself in the shoes of such a child. Even though the protagonist is called "Paul" and details have been distorted, it is still Emil's story. Alix Puhl hopes that the book is "a door to start a conversation".

Suicide among children and young people

The fact that the Puhls did not want to remain silent has to do with their experiences after Emil's death. "So many people came up to us and told us about suicides in their environment," says Puhl. "Many said, 'This is the first time I've spoken about it. But please don't tell anyone." Author Martin Schäuble ("Black Box Jihad") has also had such experiences since the novel "Alle Farben grau" was published in August, as he reports in the interview.

The contact between the author and the family came about through mutual acquaintances. The impetus was the memorial service on the first anniversary of Emil's death, at which the parents read out a letter to their dead son. Schäuble got to know the Puhls through this mediation and was impressed by how "unsparing and honest" they were.

He spent months talking to family, friends and teachers. A non-fiction book was out of the question for him. "With a novel, you have the chance to reach many more people. But I also wanted real people: You can learn the most from them." There is now also a stage version, although no date has yet been set for a premiere.

Little attention in society

Like the Puhls, Schäuble also senses how afraid many people are of confronting this issue. "The issue is not big, it's huge. And yet - or perhaps because of that - it's damn hard to talk about." He wants to do "confidence work" in readings and interviews: "Just because you don't talk about it doesn't make the topic go away. You don't have to be afraid of this book."

In "All Colors Grey", the crime itself is completely omitted - as is an announcement beforehand. At the point where "Paul" takes his own life in the novel, the publisher has inserted two black pages. "Very few people know what happened on these pages," says Alix Puhl.

According to the German Society for Suicide Prevention (DGS), more people die by suicide in Germany than from traffic accidents, acts of violence, illegal drugs and AIDS combined. And statistically speaking, for every suicide there are 10 to 20 suicide attempts. "Suicidality is therefore an issue that deserves much more attention," says the DGS.

Statistically, the risk of suicide increases with age. However, according to the DGS, suicide is the second most common cause of death worldwide in the 15 to 25 age group. According to the Federal Statistical Office, 172 young people between the ages of 15 and 20 took their own lives in Germany in 2022 and 20 children under the age of 14. "Scientists assume that many people who die by suicide were suffering from a mental illness at the time," says the DGS.

Recognizing mental illness earlier

The Puhls therefore want to raise awareness. They have founded a non-profit company that offers training courses to detect mental illnesses earlier. Emil's empty room became his office. In the meantime,"tomoni mental health" has ten employees. Suicide prevention has also become an important field of activity for the foundation, which the Puhls set up back in 2015.

Andreas Reif, Director of the Department of Psychiatry, Psychosomatics and Psychotherapy at Frankfurt University Hospital, finds this approach "very sensible and worthy of support". We know that better knowledge about mental illness in the school environment leads to better treatment of those affected and also to a better course of the illness. However, there is no systematic training on this topic, says the expert, who is also on the scientific advisory board of "tomoni".

450 teachers have already taken part in the online training courses. The costs are currently still being covered by various foundations. In 2024, "tomoni" wants to offer modules for parents and, in a third step, develop a program for young people. Two versions of the training modules are currently being scientifically evaluated. The University Hospital of Würzburg is comparing which works better: when those affected or when scientists give presentations.

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The German Society for Suicide Prevention (DGS) highlighted that more individuals die by suicide in Germany than from traffic accidents, acts of violence, illegal drugs, and AIDS combined, and statistically, for every suicide, there are 10 to 20 suicide attempts, suggesting that suicide is a significant issue that deserves more attention.
Alix Puhl, Emil's mother, mentioned that they had been unaware of his severe depression and form of autism for a long time, emphasizing the importance of recognizing mental illnesses earlier to prevent tragedies like Emil's suicide.
Schäuble's novel "Alle Farben grau" attempts to depict the emotional turmoil of a fictional character suffering from severe depression and giftedness, drawing inspiration from Emil's experiences and hoping that it serves as a starting point for conversations about mental illnesses and suicide prevention.
The DGS reported that suicide is the second most common cause of death worldwide in the 15 to 25 age group, and in Germany, 172 young people between the ages of 15 and 20 took their own lives in 2022, and 2 children under the age of 14 also lost their lives to suicide.
The Puhls, in their efforts to raise awareness about suicide prevention and detect mental illnesses earlier, established a non-profit organization called "tomoni mental health," which provides training courses to teachers, parents, and young people to ensure better knowledge about mental illnesses in the school environment, leading to improved treatment for affected individuals and a better course of the illness.

Source: www.stern.de