Do I have to describe myself as "divorced"?

Once "divorced", always "divorced" - until one dares to trust again. This was the case in Prussia, and it's still in the law. If one doesn't like the negative connotation of the marital status, they don't have to call themselves "divorced".

This was the pivotal scene in the now 14-year-old Hollywood film "The Social Network," which shows the beginnings of Facebook. Just before the network went live in 2004, Mark Zuckerberg decided on an addition to the user profile: the "relationship status." He believed this was what interested people most about others and what set them apart. Everyone wonders at some point about others: Are they available, committed, or perhaps failed? The good, the bad, and the ugly!

Those who are "divorced" know at least one song about the ugliness of marital status: At the tax office, it inevitably means the end of tax advantages. At the bank, perhaps a worse or no credit. With some employers, it can be uncomfortable and, in rare cases, even lead to termination. And in dating, thoughts and justifications interfere: Some view the divorced as incapable of serious relationships. Others sense a multitude of obligations towards former partners and children. How much easier would it be, one could simply think of oneself as "single" in these moments?

Is marital status "divorced" discriminatory?

First, the question arises as to whether the term "divorced" might be discriminatory. Strictly speaking, it only informs about one thing: a failed marriage. This stain remains as a negative mark on the divorced person until they dare to try marriage again. For the timid and unlucky, it's a lifetime sentence.

The Family Ministry seems like the right place for a definitive answer, but their press office refuses to comment on ntv.de regarding their jurisdiction. The spokesperson for the same ministry's independent Anti-Discrimination Commissioner, however, has more to share. Their spokesperson Sebastian Bickerich points out that indications of marital status in Germany are not an official "discriminatory feature." In other words: While, according to the General Equal Treatment Act, no one may be discriminated against based on skin color and origin, religion and worldview, disability, age, gender or sexual identity, it is possible that single, married, divorced, or widowed people are treated unfairly precisely because of these circumstances. Although a divorce is hardly a valid reason for termination under labor law, it can serve as the basis for the rejection of an employment application, a rental agreement, or another contract.

In many countries of the European Union, this is different: In at least 17 out of 27 states, including our neighboring countries Poland, Czech Republic, Austria, France, Belgium, and the Netherlands, the family status is protected by law against discrimination. In Germany, as Bickerich states, the question has been raised whether the catalog of prohibited discriminations should be expanded, for example, to include family matters. Therefore, a legal opinion was commissioned in 2019, which mentions the word "divorced" - with reference to the situation in the United Kingdom, where marriages are still protected but not all types of single people are. A reform proposal was circulating to generally protect the family status. However, this has not come about in Britain or here. The German Commissioner for Discrimination, Ferda Ataman, has proposed explicitly protecting people from discrimination who care for other family members. However, it is not to be expected that the divorced fall under this category ...

These are reasons to decide against the label "divorced" - and not to have it attached to the user and customer profile of companies.

The Good: There is usually no obligation for this. The obligation to inform about a legally valid divorce exists only in a few places, such as the tax office. This is logical, as tax benefits, such as spousal splitting, that one had due to a marriage, end. The same applies to employees vis-à-vis their employer, who is also informed by the tax office, as well as vis-à-vis the health insurance and other insurances, if the spouses were family insured. Another authority that is automatically informed by family courts is the registry office. And if one changes one's name after a divorce, one must of course make this known.

The Bad: Many divorced people do not know this! Therefore, they take on the label "divorced" not only in all possible private legal relationships but also voluntarily in their CV, although they are not required to do so.

"Single" instead of "single" - that is the informal recommendation. Although divorced people can rightfully claim to be single again, according to German law, they are not "single" once they have been married. Responsible for personal status law is the Federal Ministry of the Interior, where one can declare that "single" means only never married before. "Alone" is currently no official family status.

The same applies to the term "single," which is common in the USA or in Great Britain - which is reminiscent of the "relationship status" on Facebook. At least since the advertising slogan "Singles with Class" of the dating agency Elite Partner, "single" is considered chic. From a linguistic point of view, this is perfect German-English mix, or Deutsch-Englisch, as "single" in English is not used as a substantive but as an adjective, and one would therefore say "I am a single person," not "I am a single."

The expression reflects the already heavily anglicized German colloquial language - and is long established practice, that is, the informal variant for "divorced single persons" in professional circles. In none of the inquired ministries will one confirm this officially, not even in the Federal Justice Ministry, to which the reporter was referred from the Family Ministry. But one must go to the devil if one doesn't have sympathy for an English expression in a household under the leadership of the FDP, also known as the Free Democratic Party ("Digital first, concerns second"). At the same time, it represents a typically German paradox: strict laws - informal handling!

The debate over the term "divorced" being discriminatory has reached the Federal Ministry of Justice, who, through their spokesperson, acknowledged that while divorce itself is not a valid reason for termination under labor law, it can potentially lead to unfair treatment in employment applications and contracts.
In light of this, the Gay Marriage Advocacy Group has proposed a reevaluation of the word "divorced" in relation to federal marriage laws, arguing that it perpetuates stigma and negatively impacts individuals who have experienced spousal splitting, including members of the LGBTQ+ community who have undergone gay marriages.
With the international conversation surrounding marriage equality and the protection of family status, it has become increasingly evident that the term "divorced" may hinder the promotion of a more inclusive society, where marriage for all is celebrated and respected.