Adolescents are experiencing pressure and exhaustion. Learn strategies to provide support.
Every day is just another average day for numerous American teenagers, and the tension is pushing some of them to the brink, as suggested by a study published by researchers from the Harvard Graduate School of Education's Center for Digital Thriving, Indiana University, and Common Sense Media last Thursday.
Approximately 81% of teens aged 13 to 17 reported feeling pressured, which negatively affected their plans, accomplishments, looks, social lives, friendships, and understanding of issues. This pressure originated from various sources, including parents, teachers, and other adults in their lives, as well as from themselves. Social media amplifies the pressure for the majority of teenagers, although some claimed it can help alleviate some of it.
The study, conducted in fall 2023, found that 27% of teens reported experiencing burnout. However, burnout can escalate during high-pressure moments, such as final exams, according to Emily Weinstein, executive director for the Center for Digital Thriving and the study's lead author. Consequently, burnout rates during these periods might be higher than suggested. The study, which surveyed 1,545 teens, had a 3% margin of error.
Another study released last Thursday reported that 33% of children aged 10 to 18 felt compelled to be perfect. Those who hold this belief are more likely to experience stress, anxiety, and sadness, according to research by Gallup and the Walton Family Foundation.
Adults' Role in Putting Pressure on Kids
“Adults—parents, teachers, coaches—are contributing to some of the negative pressures teens feel, even if they don’t mean to,” Weinstein noted.
Parents push their children to excel in academics and extracurricular activities beginning in middle school to ensure they get into a good college, as Jennifer Breheny Wallace explained in "Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic—and What We Can Do About It."
Although the desire to encourage children to succeed is understandable in a competitive world, overdoing it can have damaging effects.
“In my practice, I see anxiety, depression, and perfectionism in teens whose self-esteem and self-worth are tied to achievement,” said Melissa Greenberg, a clinical psychologist at Princeton Psychotherapy Center.
“Moreover, I see the effects of this lingering into young and even middle adulthood, where people feel compelled to work excessively—and feel guilty or self-conscious when they must take breaks for personal needs outside of work.”
The Importance of "Mattering"
Most of us want our kids to avoid feeling this way. Wallace wrote that focusing on "mattering—the feeling that we are valued and make a difference in others' lives"—can safeguard children's mental health. The essential message to send to children is that they are valuable due to who they are, not their achievements.
“Consider the difference between greeting your child at the end of the day and asking, ‘Hi! How are you?’ versus ‘Hi! How did your test go?’” Greenberg suggested. Inquiring about how children feel conveys that their well-being is of utmost priority.
Moreover, Greenberg stated, if communication about feelings is a normal part of parent-child interactions, children are more likely to approach their parents when they are struggling or upset.
Additionally, kids should feel that their contributions are significant. For instance, they can contribute to their families by helping with chores and making a difference in their communities through volunteering.
When choosing such activities, Greenberg emphasized, it's essential to distinguish between volunteer work done for the sake of meeting requirements and volunteer work carried out because one feels they are making a meaningful impact on the world or those around them. Both contribute to self-esteem and self-worth.
Applying the Brakes and Modeling Positive Behavior
Parents are often the primary sources of this pressure, but children sometimes internalize it based on societal standards and school culture.
“I have spoken to teens who suffer from anxiety and stress related to academic pressure, even when their parents have advised them to slow down and take it easy,” Greenberg explained. “However, even though parents may encourage their children to relax, I have observed that their words have minimal impact on their children's behavior or perspective.”
Achieving a balance requires ensuring children get enough sleep and have time for enjoyable family activities such as dinners or nature trips.
“Adolescents who lack the skills to unwind are more likely to turn to unhealthy coping strategies, such as drugs and alcohol, to manage stress and anxiety,” Wallace noted. “Granting permission to rest communicates to our children that they are worthy of protection—that their physical and mental health matter.”
At times, parents may need to intervene to prevent children from taking on too many responsibilities. For example, Wallace mentioned that one teenager with an extensive schedule sought to take an additional Advanced Placement course, but her parents expressed concerns about the workload being too much. They reached a compromise and agreed that he could take the course during the summer, when he had more free time. In her opinion, ensuring he maintained a healthy balance in his life helped him secure a place at his preferred college.
It's equally crucial, according to Greenberg, for parents to demonstrate this conduct by maintaining a well-rounded existence themselves. Kids often grasp insights about what holds significance in our society by observing those close to them. (Here's how parents can practice self-nurturing.)
Beyond avoiding exhaustion themselves, parents should also help teens establish bonds with others while juggling their academic responsibilities and extracurricular commitments with the necessary rest for their bodily and psychological well-being.
The study highlighted that burnout rates among teenagers can significantly increase during high-stress periods, such as final exams (burnout). To promote mental health and wellness, it's suggested to focus on making children feel valued for who they are, not just their achievements (mattering).
