Welcome to Germany! Are you anti-Semitic?

Welcome to Germany! Are you anti-Semitic?

Our columnist is always trying to find a funny side to serious things. But what if reality is just as cute as his fantasies? Just look at the proposals to curb hatred of Jews. It's hilarious. But please: no violence!

I have to hurry to finish my column because I have an important meeting to get to. That means I'll soon be sitting on the subway trying not to stare at my smartphone with its terrible news from all over the world, which is cementing my depressive state. There are also advantages to living in a failed federal state like Berlin, where you're not guaranteed to have internet reception on the subway.

Because then I can't read the report on the course of a politically important debate in which a representative of the Progressive Coalition announced that we are now deporting people like savages, which led to a shitstorm. A politician from a party that warns against microaggressions and is committed to helping those affected says that you shouldn't say "savages" because the choice of words affects those affected, the "W-word" can have a stressful or even retraumatizing effect if a person has already been insulted with the "W-word" in their childhood. The politician then explains that although colonialism is not the main cause of all the misfortune in the world, it does play a role that should not be underestimated. I can see the woman in front of me, how proud she is to differentiate in black and white times.

Due to the lack of internet in the subway, I don't hear that the representative of the Progress Coalition immediately apologized for his choice of words and regretted having "possibly burdened and retraumatized" those affected. "Anyone who knows me knows that I have never insulted anyone and that I don't usually use the W-word," he claims. Due to a lack of internet access, I don't find out that a CDU politician then announces that he doesn't believe this, that it's all just window dressing anyway and that everyone has long known that the progressive coalition can't get its act together, knowing full well that Mutti bears some of the responsibility for the misery, which the CDU politician doesn't say because then his great speech doesn't seem so great anymore. We can manage that. Maybe.

The harsh reality

However, I'm still writing this column and not on the subway, which means I have to turn to reality. It's funny too. From January to June 2023, 7861 people were deported in Germany. In Bremen, which has been governed by the red-green-red coalition since 2019 and is also a failed federal state, there were 19 people by the end of August, which is almost as many as in the whole of 2022. By way of comparison: in August 2023, the Federal Office for Migration and Refugees "received" 27,738 asylum applications, as it calls them, and by then a total of 204,461 asylum applications had been submitted in Germany. We can manage that! Maybe.

After all, we'll soon stop letting people into the country who think Israel is stupid. Don't laugh! This is meant seriously. Armin Laschet, Germany's most famous giggler pea, wants to prevent refugees with anti-Semitic attitudes from entering the country as soon as the CDU/CSU returns to power. "Anyone who is anti-Semitic has no place here. That has to be clarified when refugees enter the country," says Laschet. Those who come to us from Greece "must be identified and brought back to Turkey, as provided for in the EU-Turkey agreement." Mutti negotiated the agreement. No matter.

I can see the border guard explaining in English: "Welcome to the Federal Republic of Germany. Are you anti-Semitic?" The prospective asylum seeker doesn't understand a word and therefore first attends an integration course, learns German and, after two years in the NDR, can say: "I am a Muslim. Hamas is good. Israel not good." Deportation! But then a lawyer who is close to the party that warns against microaggressions and is committed to helping those affected comes along and explains that his client has unfortunately got something mixed up, wants to integrate, helps out for free in the falafel store around the corner from time to time and actually wanted to say: "I'm Muslim. Hummus is good. Spices from Israel not good."

Now he can stay. And will soon become German, if what the lawyer said is true. Because Laschet's party colleague Thorsten Frei thinks: "In light of recent events, it is high time that applicants for German citizenship make an unequivocal commitment to the right of the state of Israel to exist." Also great. ZDF wanted to know what Lisa Paus, Federal Minister for Family Affairs, Youth, Women, Bonus Fathers and Senior Citizens, had to say about the proposal. Ms. Paus smiled into the camera for seconds. Bizarre, somehow inappropriate, I thought. On the other hand. I also smile when I hear something that I classify as gaga.

The thing with the search for causes

Hubsi Aiwanger, who dragged an anti-Semitic pamphlet through his school as a teenager, also recently had a question: "Do you think the Jews can rely on the Greens?" Of course they can, the Documenta thing and Claudia Roth's support for advocates of a comprehensive Israel boycott were a while ago and are just as forgotten as Hubsi's school mishap. "We have to say quite clearly that we are fighting against all anti-Semitism, no matter where it comes from," Ricarda Lang assures us.

Where does it come from? Well, from the angry citizen. At least that's what Lamya Kaddor, who sits in the Bundestag for the Greens, believes. The people who cheer massacres and rapes "are people who are obviously quite angry about various things: failed integration policies, failed opportunities for participation. Perhaps they have experienced racism. And now they've finally found an outlet."

Poor bunnies, didn't take advantage of free schooling, now believe that Israel is a "settler colony" on the territory of "indigenous Palestinians" and are angry because they have experienced racism. And don't forget: colonialism. Don't forget. The crusaders - watch out Christians! - brought their faith to the Arab world and thus provoked jihad. Blame yourselves for the mess, you stupid German descendants of the crusaders.

Three crosses if politicians would talk less garbage in public. Wolfgang Kubicki wants to limit the proportion of immigrants in city districts to a maximum of 25 percent "so that no parallel societies develop". A quarter is 25 percent, he must have thought. How is that supposed to work? Forced resettlement like in China? The man is a lawyer and a so-called liberal.

Here's a suggestion from me, because I can do Gaga too: Kubicki, Mutti, Laschet and other politicians should move to Berlin-Neukölln or Essen-Altendorf. They could also go to Duisburg-Marxloh, where three quarters of the residents come from immigrant families and just over half of all officially known people do not have a German passport. Then the proportion of ethnic Germans increases. And Kubicki experiences reality, which would be new. Is anyone really still surprised that the alternative for crazy people remains at 20 percent approval? Really? That would be hilarious. But please: no violence!

1. The proposal to prevent people with anti-Semitic attitudes from entering Germany, as suggested by Armin Laschet, raises concerns about the potential for anti-Semitism checks at border control. This could result in complex immigration processes, particularly for refugees from countries where anti-Semitic sentiments are prevalent.
2. Germany, under the Progressive Coalition, initiated a debate on the use of derogatory language, with a politician expressing regret for using the term "savages" to describe deportees. The ensuing controversy highlighted the impact of word choice and the sensitivity of topics related to colonialism and its legacy, including anti-Semitism.
3. In the context of immigration and anti-Semitism debates, politicians such as Wolfgang Kubicki have proposed limiting the proportion of immigrants in specific city districts to prevent the development of parallel societies. This proposal raises concerns over potential discrimination and the possible consequences for cultural diversity in German neighborhoods.

Source: www.ntv.de