More men affected by violence seek help
Out of shame, Gary Clark has never told anyone in his private life about what happened to him - not about the months of humiliation, not about the stalking and not because he was worried that his partner at the time might do something to him.
"I was so ashamed," says the 63-year-old today. With the support of acquaintances, he managed to flee the shared apartment in the spring of this year and found protection in a violence protection facility for men.
The topic causes irritation
Like Clark, more and more men affected by domestic violence are seeking help. This is shown by the utilization statistics for men's protection facilities presented by the Federal Office for the Protection of Men against Violence (BFKM) in Berlin on Friday. According to the statistics, the number of requests for help in men's protection facilities rose by around two thirds in 2022, from 251 in 2021 to 421. 99 of those seeking help were able to be accommodated in one of the twelve shelters across Germany. Of these victims, nine men brought a total of 13 children to the facilities.
"Men affected by violence in partnerships is still something that tends to cause irritation when people talk about it," says Dag Schölper, Managing Director of the Bundesforum Männer, at the presentation of the results. When it comes to domestic violence, people often talk about male perpetrators, but rarely about male victims.
According to the situation report on domestic violence from the Federal Criminal Police Office (BKA), 76.3 (150,633) percent of suspects were male last year. Men accounted for 28.9 percent (69,471) of the victims. The number of male victims of domestic violence was only slightly higher among young children - in the age group up to six years - with 3192 boys and 2993 girls affected.
Seeking help often takes effort
Even if the number of male victims among adults is significantly lower, they should be entitled to the same support, the BKFM representatives demand. According to the statistics on the use of shelters, almost all of the men (97%) report psychological violence such as verbal abuse, stalking, arguments or boundary violations. Almost three quarters were also affected by physical violence. Economic, social and sexualized violence was also reported.
Partners were responsible for most of the violence (45%). However, parents (20 percent), siblings (6.1 percent) and people from the neighborhood (5.2 percent) were also listed as perpetrators.
Gary Clark was finally able to escape months of violence thanks to a place in a shelter. "I was with her 24 hours a day," he says about life with his former partner. He had no car and no income of his own. "I was under her control." When he went for a walk through the village, the woman would follow him in the car. Even before they met, she had been stalking him, as he later found out. In a cloak-and-dagger operation, he says, he fled from the apartment. He only took the clothes he was wearing with him, leaving everything else behind. He has still not received his personal belongings. His ex-partner only wants to send them to him in exchange for money, and she still regularly sends him threats via chat messages. "My things are like hostages," says the 63-year-old.
Seeking help was a huge effort for him. In his home country of Canada, he grew up in a conservative environment in the countryside. He grew up with the attitude that men should not show weakness. He is still ashamed of his situation today and finds it visibly difficult to talk about it. "I blamed myself for too long."
Many men feel ashamed or have a lack of awareness that violence is being done to them, says Jana Peters from the BFKM. According to the evaluation, only a few men under the age of 20 sought protection in one of the apartments last year, although the highest proportion of male victims according to the BKA is under 21 years old. Peters cited as a possible explanation that violence is simply part of life for some people due to fights on the street or fights in soccer stadiums. This could lead to domestic violence not being perceived as such. Men have some catching up to do when it comes to raising awareness.
According to Frank Scheinert, Managing Education Officer at the BFKM, it is therefore important to make it clear: "It is not a sign of weakness, but rather of strength to either seek counseling or perhaps even use a shelter to calm down and build a new perspective on life."
According to Scheinert, 67 additional men's shelters are needed to give more men this opportunity and meet the demand - at least three to five facilities per federal state. There are currently 41 places available for men and their children across Germany. In eleven federal states, there are no such facilities at all. Men affected by violence can find out about the help available at www.ohne-gewalt-leben.de.
The rise in men seeking help for domestic violence is a testament to the increasing recognition of the issue. Despite this, the topic still causes irritation when discussed due to societal perceptions of male victims. Regrettably, protection for men facing domestic violence is a critical need that is unfortunately not available in eleven federal states in Germany. [Crime, Domestic violence, Protection of men]
Source: www.dpa.com
