"Manhattan effect" can be a relationship killer
The final scene in Woody Allen's "Manhattan" is hard to watch: In the 1979 cult film, Allen, who was already middle-aged at the time, stands in the lobby of a New York skyscraper and gives his lover, who has just turned 18, a lecture on the supposed disadvantages of London. Tracy (Mariel Hemingway) wants to move there for a semester of study, alone. Isaac (Allen) lists all the people she runs the risk of meeting there and how she would change. And he keeps saying: "I think it would be better if you didn't go" or "I don't think you should go to London".
You can see in Tracy's face how she wavers back and forth between the desire to pursue her own goals and dreams and the fear of losing her lover - who, incidentally, wanted to swap her for someone else only a short time before. It's a huge amount of pressure that Isaac exerts on Tracy - and statistically speaking, sooner rather than later, it will lead to the exact result that he wants to prevent by any means possible: a break-up.
"What's six months?"
In a compilation of various studies on the subject, US researchers have given the phenomenon a name that has stuck: the "Manhattan effect" describes the situation in which one partner restricts or does not sufficiently support the other in their development out of fear for the relationship and thus has exactly the opposite effect.
Scientists from the universities of Bamberg and Halle-Wittenberg have discovered why this is the case in a joint research project: "Power also plays a role in romantic relationships: the feeling of being able to determine decisions [...] has a decisive influence on the perceived quality of the relationship," says Robert Körner from the Institute of Psychology at MLU. Of the 181 respondents, the couples who were happiest with their relationship were those in which both partners reported a high level of personal power. "Apparently, the subjectively experienced power and the feeling of being able to act freely are particularly important for the quality of the relationship."
Of course, this doesn't mean that everyone whose partner is thinking about taking a job in another city or moving into a cave in the Bavarian Forest for an indefinite period of time for reasons of self-discovery has to stand by quietly. On the contrary, communication is, as so often, the key: talking about your own fears and worries creates understanding for each other and helps you to empathize with the other person. If you can do this, you have an important building block in your hand for developing the relationship further - and only relationships that grow together have a chance of lasting. Or, as Tracy puts it in "Manhattan": "What's six months if we love each other?"
Source: www.ntv.de
