Long-term loneliness often makes you ill

The word loneliness used to be associated with older people in particular. But now more and more younger people are lonely too. This is not only unpleasant, but is increasingly becoming a health risk.

Loneliness ministries have been set up in some countries, the German government recently adopted a strategy paper with more than 100 measures to combat loneliness and a Northern Irish pub stirred millions in the run-up to Christmas with a video about a lonely old man. Do we have a loneliness problem? Studies point to an increasing number of people who feel lonely all the time, says Susanne Bücker from Witten/Herdecke University. This is not only depressing for the psyche, but can also make people seriously ill physically. "Loneliness is definitely a major health risk."

AUS study presented in the scientific journal"PNAS" shows that persistent loneliness in middle age is associated with a noticeably increased mortality rate in later years. Among other things, the feeling has an influence on blood pressure, ageing memory and the cardiovascular system. "Loneliness is a growing public health problem worldwide," says the research team led by Lindsay Kobayashia from the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor in the USA.

A meta-analysis of almost 150 studies worldwide presented in "PLOS Medicine" a few years ago had already shown that people who are satisfied with the quality and quantity of their social relationships live longer on average. The mortality risk associated with loneliness is therefore comparable to that of risk factors such as smoking, and a variety of processes in the body and behavior are also affected. And only recently, a Scottish study published in the journal "BMC Medicine" showed that never being visited by friends or relatives is associated with an increased risk of death.

Not a problem for the elderly

Many people make New Year's resolutions to live healthier or exercise more, says Bücker, Professor of Developmental Psychology and Educational Psychology. Maintaining social relationships is at least as important. "It's a good idea to make a resolution for 2024 to check in regularly with friends and relatives."

In the Christmas video from "Charlie's Bar" in Northern Ireland, an old man brings flowers to a grave and later meets people who spontaneously join him and spend the evening with him. However, loneliness is by no means just an age phenomenon.

According to data from the recently presented Pisa study with data from 2022, a good 12% of 15-year-olds in Germany feel lonely at school. And in an analysis in North Rhine-Westphalia (NRW) in September and October, around 16 to 18 percent of 16 to 20-year-old respondents said they were very lonely. The range is due to the fact that a distinction was made between gender and two types of loneliness - emotional and social.

Very little is currently known about feelings of loneliness in children, says Bücker. Her team is currently looking for participants for a study on this. "We are also interested in whether parents are able to perceive their children's feelings of loneliness well enough and how children's social relationships relate to their self-esteem and health."

Friends carry you through life

"If every fifth to eighth young person feels lonely most of the time, then that's a surprisingly high number," emphasizes Bücker on the data available to date. Particularly worrying: "Anyone who is lonely as a young person has a high risk of remaining lonely later in life." Furthermore, friends are extremely important developmental helpers on the path to adulthood, adds psychologist Horst Heidbrink from the IU - International University of Applied Sciences in Hamburg. "They are necessary for the gradual detachment from the parental home." Franz Neyer from the Institute of Psychology at the University of Jena also emphasizes: "You need friends to find yourself."

But why do so many young people feel lonely? To some extent, this is probably still an after-effect of the contact restrictions during the coronavirus pandemic, says Bücker. However, given the high level of adaptability at this age, it cannot be ruled out that these effects will disappear again. Other influencing factors can also be assumed. "We found that those who stated that they had financial problems in their household were also more likely to be lonely," said Maike Luhmann from the University of Bochum, commenting on the results in NRW. Excessive use of cell phones, computers etc. is also associated with higher levels of loneliness among younger people.

Digital does not replace analog relationships

Gaming PCs and equipment are difficult to lug around to friends' houses - young people therefore tend to stay at home alone and communicate with each other via chat programs while gaming. Dates in "real life" automatically become less frequent.

Even if digital worlds often promise this: "Research does not show that a relationship can be maintained entirely without physical proximity," says Neyer. Heidbrink is also convinced that face-to-face meetings are particularly important at the beginning. After that, contact can also be maintained mainly online. "Often only talking on the phone is not a deficit for friendships."

It is important to seek regular contact in the first place. Because one thing is clear: friendships, probably the best remedy for loneliness, don't just last. "I have to invest in a friendship, it's not a sure-fire success," emphasizes Neyer. Building a friendship takes time and it has to be nurtured, by both sides. "Even with our very old and very intimate friendships, we always make sure there is a balance of give and take," says Horst Heidbrink. "Even if we are the ones who benefit more, we also feel uncomfortable in a friendship."

Over the course of a person's life, the emotional benefits of friendships become increasingly important, adds Neyer. This is one of the reasons why the network of friends often thins out in old age. The risk factors for this also include drastic life events such as moving house, divorce, widowhood and retirement, says Bücker. Single parents are more frequently affected by loneliness, as are people who care for relatives. Poverty is also a major risk.

Working exclusively from home makes you lonely more quickly

Other factors are shift work and - still quite new in its now widespread use - working from home. "People underestimate how important a little chat in the hallway or in the office kitchen is for their well-being," says Heidbrink. "For most people, a combination of being in the office and working from home is certainly the healthier solution."

Friendships are also made in the office - but nowhere near to the extent they were when we were at school and university, says Bücker. "That's why it's important and good to build up social relationships at a young age that will carry you into old age." This is also because it is usually more difficult to find new friends and overcome loneliness in old age.

Membership of clubs, voluntary work - and parenthood - are helpful. "Among other things, because new friendships are often made through the children." Marriage, on the other hand, can, but does not have to, help people to see themselves as socially well embedded. "Married people can also be very lonely," explains Heidbrink. Conversely, being alone is by no means synonymous with loneliness.

The number of friendships needed for well-being is as subjective as the feeling of loneliness: should it be 5 or better 15? Experts emphasize that there is no generally valid optimum. "When asked how many friends they have, most people can't even answer spontaneously," Heidbrink points out. "We don't describe some relationships as friendships, even though they actually are - with relatives, for example." Conversely, there are friendships that are based purely on business interests and are not necessarily sustainable.

"Having one or two friendships is no worse than having many," emphasizes Neyer. The assessment of the circumstances in which you feel socially well embedded varies greatly depending on your personality.

The magic formula of a chat in the park

Bücker explains that day-to-day fleeting contacts alone often play an astonishingly large part in this. A smile from the cashier at the checkout, a brief conversation with a neighbor on the street, a friendly greeting from a passer-by on a walk: "These so-called weak ties have an amazing potential to increase satisfaction with one's own social life."

Heidbrink also emphasizes that it is by no means only very intimate, close friendships that protect us from feelings of loneliness. Everyday acquaintances and normal, small daily encounters contribute greatly to this. "You don't always have to bare your soul to others to be happy with your social life."

People used to have a chat with the owners of small stores or meet up in a café - nowadays, many small stores are no longer there and senior citizens in particular often can no longer afford coffee and cake in a café. According to Bücker, the Loneliness Competence Network offers advice and tips for meeting places. There you can search for specific offers for the respective place of residence.

The research team of the current "PNAS" study is convinced that targeted measures are needed. According to Bücker, studies show that loneliness levels are lower where there are more parks and free public spaces. "So urban planners have a big influence. Some are already putting this shoe on." They are specifically planning meeting places for new neighborhoods and housing estates. However, especially with the current housing shortage, it is not easy to implement such places - or even to maintain existing ones.