Reproductive Rights Advocate Marie Stopes Faces Controversy - Unveiling the first sex educator to enlighten the Brits on the genuine aspects of intimacy.
In the early 1900s, education about sexual matters was scarce in schools. Society was pretty prudish, and discussions about intimacy were taboo. But brothels were thriving. During this time, Marie Stopes published her guide "Married Love," which essentially talked about love within marriage.
Stopes was essentially the first modern sex therapist. People would seek her advice on sexual topics. At times, she would receive up to a thousand letters per week.
Risks Associated with Sex
Back then, people were not only ignorant but also sex was a risky affair. There was no effective treatment for sexually transmitted diseases, and if someone contracted one, a miserable lifelong suffering was a possibility. Women often died during childbirth, and many feared the pain and resulting pregnancies. "Respectable" men, however, struggled with their "primitive" desires and sought help to perform their marital duties without causing unnecessary suffering to their partners.
The general belief was that sex was a burden for women. Marie Stopes challenged this belief a century ago with her guide. She argued that sex should not be a miserable chore, but a source of pleasure for both men and women. This was a radical idea from a young scientist. Stopes wrote, "Every man should be aware that he does not conquer a woman by marrying her. He must win her over before each act of intercourse."
Era of Transformation
Stopes' book sold like hotcakes, and the time was ripe for change. World War I had caused a breakdown everywhere, and the old Victorian values of the 19th century were no more. The era of mass production, employment, and consumer goods had begun. So had the era of women. Although female independence and professional activity were still not mainstream, they were no longer unusual. The young scientist with a Ph.D. was a part of this transformation and resonated with the times. She helped her readers take control of their bodies. Over 10,000 letters to Stopes are preserved in the British Library, offering a glimpse into the fears and hopes that dominated bedrooms at that time.
Excerpts from the Letters
"I am a young mother of two beautiful children. I had a terrible time giving birth. The doctor told me I should not have any more children. Could you please give me some advice on how to prevent that from happening?"
"I was asked by a friend to gather reliable information on the following topic. She is considering getting married - to a man much younger than herself. She is 61 years old, and her menstrual cycle has stopped for some time.
She fears that there is absolutely no chance of motherhood for her. Is that so? I am enclosing a stamped and addressed envelope and would be happy to pay the consultation fee."
"I have just read your book "Married Love" and I can't go to bed without writing to you to thank you for the great hope for the future of my married life that the book has given me."
"If you refer to the question of positions in your important book, Married Love, I think I, as someone who has had more than 20 years of unusually happy married life, may be allowed a few words to supplement what you have written,
I do not think the experience of the lady who told you she felt almost smothered every time is unusual. I myself know a beautiful young woman who says she wishes her husband were not so heavy."
It's shocking to imagine your delicate body tensed and pinned down by a heavy man. That's both foolish and unnecessary.
I'm writing to find out if you can give me some advice. I'm only 27 and I have five children, the oldest nine and the youngest 18 months. My husband is always unemployed and I'm constantly worried - from month to month, I don't want any more children. I hope for a prompt response.
Could you please tell me where I can purchase the devices mentioned in your book on birth control? I don't have the courage to go into a store. A head nurse told me to go to the women's hospital, but since she didn't tell me what to ask for, I didn't go.
You should write something about the narrow, separate beds introduced from the countries of the continent. I don't understand how they can allow a couple comfortable positions, but we've never used them either.
We have a beautiful little baby girl. Three children were born to us before, but this is the first time a child has lived. Since her birth, I haven't had any real intercourse with my wife, as I felt I was causing her the same pain she had with the dead children. She also no longer desires children.
However, both of us enjoy the pleasures of married life. I play with my fingers with her while she holds my "person". But I feel that we are doing wrong and now I am at a loss about my duty.
I don't sign my name to this letter, but perhaps you will address this matter in your next book on this topic.
Doesn't it indicate a dirty state of mind when a man gives in to his desire for fornication, or a woman to her wish for simple fornication? Even if they are married - unless conception is the goal of the sexual union. Nothing degrades the spirit more than this form of legalized fornication. Why don't you recommend the only clean way? Abstinence!
Return to your country of Scotland and preach your dirty methods there. Decent Englishmen are disgusted by your dirty suggestions in Married Love.
I'm seeking advice due to some concerns. The man I'm planning to wed later this year suffered an accident a few weeks ago. When I assisted him in taking off his bloody and torn clothes, I noticed his manhood was significantly larger than mine. This has been causing me anxiety regarding our future marital intimacy.
I appreciate any suggestions or advice you might have. I'm in a bit of a tricky situation as I don't have a mother or sister to confide in, and I'd rather not discuss this with friends to avoid misunderstandings. They might think I'm overeager.
Despite her groundbreaking contributions to sexual advice and women's health, Marie Stopes is not immune to controversy. Much like many sex researchers of her era, she advocated for eugenicist views that aligned with social Darwinism.
Additional reading:
She exposed her best friend's infidelity, only to be abandoned by both
Infidelity – the silent danger lurking in your social circle
The downward spiral at 30 – what the future holds for your body
The cam-girl's illusion – maintaining a semblance of dignity in front of the sex camera
During World War I, many societal norms were challenged, leading to a shift in values and attitudes. The old Victorian values were no longer prevalent, making it an ideal time for Marie Stopes' book "Married Love" to gain popularity.
World War I had a significant impact on society, causing a breakdown of traditional values and paving the way for Stopes' radical ideas about sexual pleasure within marriage.
