Inaccurate Beliefs This Week: Amusing Conspiracy Theories
I used to find conspiracy theories amusing. It was entertaining to discover people who insisted the moon landing was a hoax, or that Elvis Presley still walked among us under the guise of "Orion." Yet, such benign fantasies are few and far between. More common are the hateful theories that blame certain groups for the world's problems.
There are still a few innocent-looking conspiracy theories out there that maintain that spark of curiosity. Here are my picks, along with two that might seem innocent at first, but in reality, conceal sinister views.
The current year is really 1727
Based on the "phantom time hypothesis," this idea holds that the year isn't 2024. Instead, the world is in 1727. Apparently, years 614 to 911 were just added to the calendar, creating a counterfeit timeline. German writer Heribert Illig came up with this story in a book that appeared in 1996 (or was it 1699?). He blamed Otto III, the Holy Roman Emperor, and Pope Sylvester II for the deception. These men would have manipulated the calendar to make Otto the ruler in the year 1000, to legitimize his position. Radioactive carbon dating, historical records from China, and observation of celestial events stance firmly against this theory. Nonetheless, it's nice to know that the "Jews are behind it" angle has been replaced with a different culprit.
The moon is a three-dimensional projection
Flat Earthers anything but humble! They attempt to support their theory by asserting that the moon is not an actual object in the sky. It is a holographic projection used to make us believe that the Earth is round. While it's not illogical to consider such possibilities, they are unlikely given what we know about the moon's appearance, movement, and the alignment of celestial bodies.
"Sun your butthole" for energy
"Perineum sunning," also known as "butthole sunning." It's a fringe belief in the wellness community that by exposing the area between the genitals and the anus to sunlight for short periods, you can gain more energy, better blood circulation, and improved hormonal balance. While some proponents advise using sunblock, there's no scientific evidence to support their claims. However, the logic of avoiding dangerous UV exposure is compelling.
You don't need food and water to live
Breatharians follow a belief system where they argue that food and water are unnecessary for sustenance. This theory can be traced back to 1670, with mentions of a physician living on "one-half scrupule of Solar Quintessence." There's no shortage of individuals claiming to survive without food or water today. However, those who have been caught with a slice of pizza or a bottle of water disprove their fantastical claims. Interestingly, the same Breatharians also use the concept of breatharianism as a spiritual belief, with detractors suggesting they simply believe no harm will come to them.
Death is optional
Immortalists share the Breatharians' goal of extending life indefinitely. While medical research aims to do just that, it's not within our grasp yet. Not even for the most avid believers. As expected, some have declared themselves immune to mortality. Few have ever been caught, though some uploaded videos showed them eating.
Pine cones are valuable mystical symbols
The idea that pine cones in ancient art represent awakening or the human pineal gland has gathered significant online attention. But the correlation is nothing more than a coincidence. Together, the pinecone’s five-pointed star and pineal gland's shape resemble each other. However, the meaning of these symbols changed drastically throughout different cultural contexts, so we can't make sound assumptions about them. Instead, the representation of pinecones in art could be as simple as their repeating patterns being visually interesting for the artists.
Holocaust denial and anti-Semitism
Despite overwhelming evidence, some people still deny the existence of the Holocaust in which six million Jews were murdered during WWII. Others believe that world affairs are controlled by wealthy Jewish families, a belief known as the Lizard People Conspiracy Theory. Each of these theories tries to shift blame away from themselves and onto a perceived enemy, often resulting in hate speech, violence, or discrimination. The two theories above are similarly delusional but don't share the same venom.
9/11 conspiracy theories
The official narrative of 9/11 is that Islamic terrorists crashed planes into buildings, destroying both the World Trade Center towers and a section of the Pentagon. Conspiracy theorists, on the other hand, propose alternative explanations, such as an attack by American rogue agents sneaking into Middle Eastern countries, or the American government itself ordering the attacks. These theories, while raising eyebrows, lack any solid proof and often slander individuals or groups associated with the event.
The following tales may appear to be entertaining conspiracy theories, but start digging deeper and you'll realize they're grounded in dangerous ideologies.
Conspiracy Theory 1: Helen Keller Wasn't As Capable As We Thought
This theory suggests that Helen Keller did not accomplish as much as we claim, such as writing books or being both deaf and blind. "Helen Keller is a fraud" took off on TikTok in recent years, but its root goes back to 1892. While the TikTok community may just be having some fun, this idea isn't as harmless as it appears, as it suggests that individuals with disabilities can't handle high-level tasks.
However, in the 1960s and 1970s, a popular belief arose called "facilitated communication." This concept held that non-verbal people (primarily individuals with severe autism) could express themselves through directing a facilitator who'd point to letters or words. Some non-verbal folks wrote books and even graduated from college using this method. Once they were subjected to proper testing, though, it was revealed that the communication was just the facilitator's doing. So, while there's no solid evidence suggesting this occurred with Keller, the possibility remains.
Conspiracy Theory 2: Tartarians Built The White House And Other Famous Structures Thousands Of Years Ago
When I first heard of the "Tartarian Empire," I expected a fascinating conspiracy theory unrelated to gross beliefs. I was wrong.
The Tartarians, according to theorists, were an ancient and advanced civilization—sometimes referred to as giants—responsible for creating many famous buildings worldwide, including Notre Dame de Paris, the Great Wall of China, the Eiffel Tower, the White House, and numerous opulent pre-modernist structures. These edifices were constructed thousands of years ago, and these buildings aren't just buildings. They house Tartarian free energy, and if you scrutinize them enough while wearing a tight hat, you can uncover hidden clues in the architectural details. The Tartarians experienced a "mud flood" that drowned them, and this event occurred anywhere from 100 years ago (when my grandma was alive!) to prehistoric times. Modern history, including World Wars I and II, was engineered to conceal Tartarian evidence to keep their free energy from us.
Although it might look like a harmless zany theory, the Tartarians appear similar to the Aryan race that the Nazis invented. As more and more people start to believe in the Tartarian theory, it's becoming increasingly likely that it will transform from a strange idea into an ugly one.
Most Tartarian believers appear to be well-intentioned dummies who struggle with understanding architecture and history. However, this theory's craziness makes it challenging to maintain a cohesive historical narrative. It's a hodgepodge of dumb, often conflicting concepts, but as it gets more traction, malicious actors will attempt to shape the narrative. Individuals like white nationalist Holocaust denier Stew Peters are jumping on the Tartarian bandwagon, so it's only a matter of time before someone blames the Jews for vanquishing the Tartarians.
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Despite the amusing nature of some conspiracy theories, they often hide more sinister views. For instance, the 'Tartarian' theory suggests that an ancient civilization built famous structures like the White House and the Eiffel Tower thousands of years ago. While this may initially seem entertaining, it shares similarities with harmful ideologies such as the belief in a superior, Aryan race.
Another strange yet potentially dangerous theory is the one that claims Helen Keller's accomplishments were exaggerated or even fabricated. This notion has gained traction in recent years, further perpetuating the harmful stereotype that people with disabilities cannot achieve high-level tasks.
These two examples illustrate how seemingly harmless 'entertainment' can conceal dangerous conspiracy theories with hateful undertones. Therefore, it's crucial to examine conspiracy theories closely, especially when they appear to be amusing or innocent at first glance.
