"Giving men all the responsibility is also unfair"

When partners abuse their financial dependency, they use violence. It still mainly affects women. In an interview, Natascha Wegelin explains why it is fatal not to want to deal with finances and how couples can balance out a financial imbalance.

ntv.de: When people use physical violence, they strike. But financial violence can also be used in a couple's relationship. Where does this form begin?

Natascha Wegelin: Financial violence is always used when monetary dependency is exploited. It is therefore a form of abuse of power. Financial dependency can be okay for both sides if partners agree that one stays at home and the other looks after the children, for example. This kind of teamwork is not bad per se. However, the moment one partner exploits this dependency, financial violence is exercised.

How can this be prevented?

Natascha Wegelin is the founder and managing director of Madame Moneypenny GmbH.

To avoid being financially dependent on your partner, I advise everyone to have their own account. If a couple decides to have a joint account, both partners must have access to it. If this is not the case and someone is denied access, then this is a form of exploitation. Dependency is abused here. Financial violence also occurs, for example, when a partner intercepts letters from the tax office, an additional income is concealed or a man no longer pays child support to his ex-wife. The solution may be, for example, not to give up your own bank account and to work, even if it doesn't make much financial sense for the family at first glance. If only to continue paying into the pension fund.

Who is particularly often exposed to financial violence?

There are hardly any studies or statistics on the subject. But for someone to abuse their power, they must first have more power than their partner. And in our system, this is more often the man than the woman. A single mother who waits every month for her maintenance is most often affected by financial violence. One of the few studies to look at the issue found that Of those suspected of committing child support violations in 2021, around 94 percent are men and 6 percent are women.

Is financial violence always deliberate?

On the one hand, there are certainly couples who are not aware that there is financial violence in their relationship. For them, for example, it is quite normal for the man to take care of the finances and for the woman not to have her own account. Some of them may simply lack financial education. I would like to believe that no one intentionally commits financial violence. But if we define financial violence in such a way that dependency is deliberately abused, then economic activity on an equal footing is not desirable. If a man refuses his wife access to the joint account and pays her pocket money instead, then he has no interest in equal terms

Violence is a strong word. Is the term accurate?

I think so. The injustice done to women is often trivialized linguistically. Then there is talk of 'violence against women' or 'domestic violence'. The male perpetrators are not even named here. I therefore find the harsh term 'financial violence' much better than 'financial injustice'. If someone is being exploited and has no chance of escaping, then that is violence

Are those affected aware that violence is being done to them?

I think that's where the problem lies. Many of those affected are not even aware that they are being wronged. I fear that some women let too much happen to them and don't stand up for themselves enough. At the same time, they are clearly the victims and should not allow themselves to be persuaded that they are to blame.

Are younger women more immune to financial violence than older women?

A very traditional division of roles, as exemplified by our parents and grandparents, certainly plays into the hands of financial violence. If monetary dependency is unavoidable, women should at least protect themselves legally with a marriage or partnership contract.

Many women say they don't want to deal with finances at all.

This is an absolute denial of responsibility. It is not enough for one person in the relationship to deal with finances. I would like to appeal to all women: It is your responsibility. You are independent people. There is certainly a lot of fear involved in this attitude of refusal. But men are not more qualified per se. They are not born with an innate financial gene. Giving men all the responsibility is also unfair. Keeping an eye on all your finances is a pretty big responsibility.

What role does financial education play? There are now more and more programs aimed specifically at women.

Financial education is clearly the way out of financial violence. However, if a mother's ex-partner hasn't paid maintenance for five months, the first step is probably to go to a lawyer. Even a financial book won't help. However, without an existential threat, financial education is of course extremely helpful in order to stand on your own two feet. The special offers for women in particular are good places to go to break an addiction: By having my own bank account, by having my own assets, by having my own pension insurance and by having my name on the land register.

How can couples balance out a financial imbalance?

Ideally, the woman should have assets in her own name. The three-account model can also ensure transparency. This model means that income or parental allowance ends up in a joint account. Rent, food and vacations, for example, are paid from this account. What is left over is divided fairly between the individual accounts. This money is then freely available to everyone. If a couple is interested in building a relationship on an equal footing, then it's obvious to me.

Juliane Kipper spoke to Natascha Wegelin