Family - Explosive conversations at Christmas: Between closeness and distance
At Christmas, people often get together who haven't seen each other for a long time and want to refresh their knowledge about each other. "There is often a conflict between the need for information and the desire for privacy," says social scientist Anna Bruk from the University of Mannheim. The interest in others is sometimes perceived as invasive, for example when a mother confronts her daughter with the question: "When am I finally going to be a grandma?" Many people feel vulnerable in such situations and don't like to talk about it, emphasizes the researcher at the Chair of Comparative Social and Personality Psychology.
However, those who tend to be open can go through a mental checklist. This can include the following questions: "Is my counterpart empathetic, how have I experienced him or her in other conversational situations and how trustworthy do I consider them to be, does the person tend to think in black and white, how pre-informed are they and how comfortable do I feel in my environment right now?"
According to Bruk, if these preliminary considerations are positive, open answers to controversial questions can improve a relationship and help to address potential conflicts constructively. The vulnerability associated with this is viewed positively by the conversation partners. "People always think that others perceive them as weak or incompetent when they are open and vulnerable." However, studies have shown that admitting mistakes, for example, is seen as strength and courage. "We are our own harshest critic," says the researcher, who focuses on "discrepancies between self-perception and the perception of others".
After deciding against a very personal conversation, you should show boundaries. "You should clearly communicate that you don't want to discuss the topic." Many people find it difficult to say "no": "We have to learn that "no" really means "no"." The popular granny question can be responded to with the message: "It's unclear, but when the time comes, I'll tell you first." If the question is asked anyway, Bruk advises to politely but firmly draw a line under it, for example by saying: "But now I want to enjoy the evening with you."
Info about Anna Bruk
Read also:
- A clan member is punished here
- Traffic lawyer warns: Don't talk to the police!
- Will he be convicted as Jutta's murderer after 37 years?
- He also wanted to kill his cousin
- Anna Bruk, a social scientist from the University of Mannheim in Baden-Württemberg, Germany, suggests that during the turn of the year, some individuals may feel vulnerable when discussing sensitive topics with their family, such as the mother's question to her daughter about becoming a grandma.
- In situations where family members have different views or opinions, it can be beneficial to consider the empathy, trustworthiness, and comfort levels before addressing potentially controversial topics, according to Bruk's research conducted at the Chair of Comparative Social and Personality Psychology in Mannheim.
- For those who decide against a deep personal conversation, it is essential to set boundaries and communicate clearly that certain topics are off-limits, emphasizing the importance of setting appropriate boundaries during family gatherings in Germany.
- While some people may feel weak or incompetent when being open and vulnerable, studies have shown that admitting mistakes and displaying vulnerability can be perceived as strength and courage, a concept Bruk explores in her research on the discrepancies between self-perception and the perception of others.
Source: www.stern.de
