Dealing with wealth disparities among friends: what are the solutions?

Addressing differences in financial status among friends

Do we all make the same amount? Friendships can sometimes grow distant with major income gaps. But it doesn't have to be this way - if we communicate well.

A holiday in Mallorca, a city trip to New York, or a festival trip to Belgium... is it really essential? Income disparities can be vast among a group of friends, and some can afford things others have saved for years. Deciding what to do together can be a real struggle at times. How can friends navigate wealth inequality and avoid jealousy?

"Modern adults - unlike previous generations - are constantly engaged in social comparison due to an abundance of information," says psychologist Carola Brücher-Albers. Even if income and financial circumstances aren't openly discussed, these differences can still surface.

In Germany, discussing finances with friends is considered somewhat taboo. According to financial coach Monika Müller, this largely depends on the level of closeness between friends. If you're very close, it can be worth broaching the subject. As financial coach Bijan Kholghi notes: "There's usually relief that the taboo subject has been addressed, and productive and helpful conversations can occur."

Planning the discussion carefully

However, Monika Müller advises preparing for these conversations thoroughly. "If we want to initiate such conversations, they should be as well-prepared as possible so something beneficial comes out of it." Asking yourself why you want to know your friends' financial situations can help set the stage for understanding among your circle.

Additionally, consider whether you're willing to share your own. If you're hesitant, you'll likely understand why others might hesitate as well.

But when friends notice that one or more are pulling back from lavish activities, it can be helpful to share info. To find solutions, it's essential to determine if finances are causing the withdrawal. Guesswork could cause more harm than good.

Consideration from the higher earners

Kholghi suggests that if wealth disparities significantly impact shared leisure or vacations, higher earners should be mindful of others' financial situations. "Strong cohesion in a social group - even among friends - is characterized by helping the 'weakest'," also believes Carola Brücher-Albers.

Fortunately, enjoyable activities don't have to be expensive. Suggesting a hike or a bike tour can be more budget-friendly options.

If you do want to do something special, Müller recommends talking to financially less well-off friends about how they'd like to handle the situation individually. Are they willing to go beyond their budget for a unique event? Would they like to join but need additional time to save up? Or could the others assist with money through borrowing or donation?

Don't take on the role of caregiver without communication

It's important to remember that friends shouldn't simply take on caregiver roles without discussing it. Unexpected financial aid can strain relationships.

Wealthy is just one aspect of many

And what if you're the low-income friend? What about envious feelings towards those making more? Human experiences of envy are common, says Müller. Yet, they can serve as motivators. Consider the benefits of other friends' higher incomes - for example, they may have negotiated higher salaries.

"Take a moment to question your envious thoughts: Is this better for me? Would this make my life better? Would I even want my boyfriend/girlfriend's job with their salary?" suggests Müller. It's also useful to remember that everyone's journey is different. There are other aspects of life where you might excel - family, empathy, or education. "Making money is just one quality of many," says Kholghi. "Unfortunately, our society places high value on it." But that doesn't mean you have to.

Even if you fully grasp all the aspects and attempt to discuss them with your pals, not every group of friends can handle the pressure and may even crumble due to the financial disparities. Monika Müller thinks it's okay. "I believe friendships can endure for a while," she says. It's not a bad thing if a friendship was once significant but starts to fizzle out in later phases or at least takes a bit of a rest - particularly when life situations shift drastically.