Empathy can spread like a virus, so make an effort to pass it onto others.
"How can I assist my buddy?"
You might ask this question at least thrice every week from teenagers who understand that their friends and peers require support. They observe a friend needing help, and they want to assist. This is known as empathy.
During adolescence, the foremost goal of teens is to cultivate autonomy to prepare for being on their own. This independence is developed by creating bonds with peers. Close friendships offer stability, camaraderie, and stress relief for youngsters. Despite hanging out in groups both in person and online, it's not always clear which teens are learning to empathize with their peers.
Let's encourage our teens to exhibit this awareness towards others. A recent study that studied 184 individuals (99 females and 85 males) for two decades, starting at the age of 13, has discovered that empathy is infectious. Researchers discovered that empathy permeates across three generations and creates ripples, transmitting from mom to teen to grandchildren, according to the paper published on May 22 in Child Development.
The advantageous aspect of the study? Modeling empathy and actively engaging in empathic communication were the sole tactics employed.
Studying empathy across the generations
Here's how the study unfolded: from 1998, the teens, their moms, and their closest pals were invited to the research facility at the University of Virginia to resolve problems or seek advice, first with their mom and then with their friend. Each interaction was videotaped and coded to measure maternal warmth and emotional support between the mother and teen, followed by the same behaviors when teens offered support to their friends when the friend sought advice.
Fast-forward to when these teens were adults in their 30s with their own children; these individuals were surveyed to assess their parenting methods and the level of empathy in the children.
The long-term study's findings revealed the following: mothers' empathy for their teens at 13 predicted teens' empathy for their friends during their teenage years (ages 13-19), and the ability to provide empathic support to their friends in the teen years led to more supportive parenting in adulthood and greater empathy in the next generation.
Dr. Michele Borba, an educational psychologist and author of "Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine", was unsurprised by the results, as she was not involved in the study.
"The most effective way to display empathy is through warm relationships," she noted. "These mothers provided parental warmth, and their teens picked up empathy in these encounters. They translated that empathy to their peers and built on it as they grew up, eventually becoming more emotionally secure parents themselves."
But how can you cultivate empathy during the teen phase, given their inconsistent emotions? Borba shared her top three tips for fostering empathy during this period:
Offer more attention and listening
If you're unsure of how to engage with your teen during emotional moments, this personal exchange can prove challenging.
"When teens approach their parents, parents often express anxiety regarding what to say," Borba commented. "Give them your full attention, focus on your child, and aim to comprehend where they're coming from."
Even if you're stumped when dealing with your teen's complex emotions, practice the 80/20 rule: listen intently for 80% of the time while speaking accounts for only 20%. Adolescents yearn to feel seen and understood, which can be achieved by being present and observant of their cues.
Manage your own stress
Stress is contagious within families, and you can't help your teen if you're under duress.
"Your empathy levels diminish when you're stressed, so take a pause and do what you need to feel better," Borba recommended. "Whether it's exercising, calling a pal, or sipping cold water, reduce your own stress before addressing your teen."
Talk openly about emotions more often
Addressing a wide range of emotions is advantageous. However, parents should avoid burdening their teens with their own concerns.
"Research has shown that teens sometimes misperceive how their parents feel," Borba shared. "Frequent conversations on feelings aid in confirming emotions and facilitating growth."
"I Feel" statements in daily conversations help the entire family embrace the value of discussing emotions. Additionally, Borba highlighted literary stories as a primary means to inspire authentic discussion about emotions. Watching TV collectively allows viewers to discuss the characters' experiences, too.
Ultimately, teens yearn for undivided attention and time with their parents. The development of empathy isn't confined to a single conversation but results from a series of meaningful dialogues over time. When your teen seeks your guidance or advice, give them your undivided attention.
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- In the midst of a difficult conversation with a teen friend, you could ask, "How can I help you navigate this situation?"
- Observing the positive impact empathy has on her own friendships, a teen might reflect, "I should make an effort to show empathy towards other people in my school as well."
Source: edition.cnn.com
